


From, Do Kyungsoo

by yeoliverse



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A mention of drugs (marijuana) but once again everything is safe and consensual, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - To All the Boys I've Loved Before, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Love Letters, M/M, Mentions of alcohol but everything is safe and consensual, side!baekchen (kind of), side!taekai, side!xiuhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-07-05 04:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15856128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeoliverse/pseuds/yeoliverse
Summary: Kyungsoo keeps all the letters he’s ever written to his crushes in a box on the very top shelf of his room. One letter for every boy he’s ever loved, five in total, with the intention of never sending them.Until one day, they disappear.Right into the hands of those five boys ...... and one of them has a rather strange proposition.A “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before” AU.





	1. Junmyeon

**Author's Note:**

> If there's two things I'm known for, it's my love for chansoo and my love for TATBILB. So I wrote a fic.  
> Chapters will be updated frequently (although don't hold me to that).

_Dear Junmyeon,_

_I’m not exactly sure when I fell in love with you. Maybe it was the first day you moved in and I watched you from my bedroom window and laughed when you tripped over your front step. Maybe it was a couple of days after, when you and your mother stopped by to drop off some home-baked cookies. They were really delicious and I’ve never been able to replicate the recipe even though I’ve tried a hundred times. I’ve always been too scared to ask you or your mother for it._

_Or maybe it was my tenth birthday? Maybe that’s when I fell in love with you. That day you gave me a handmade card with too much pink and blue glitter. The way it said_ lots of love, your friend Junmyeon _so neatly like you really tried with your handwriting and you forced me to stick it to my bedroom wall so it would remind me of you always, even though you were only next door. It’s still here somewhere, in a box in my closet. I’ve never been able to throw it away … I’m pretty sure it’s covered everything in glitter._

_Sometimes in the evenings, if I had my window open, I could hear you practicing your lines for the musical you were in. You have a really great singing voice, Junmyeon, maybe you should double major in business and musical theatre studies._

_But then you started dating my cousin._

_Hyewon is head over heels for you, she talks about you all the time when she’s over here visiting and although I wish it were me, I’m happy for her. I’m happy for you too, Junmyeon. Seeing that light in your eyes whenever you see her fills me with both happiness and sadness. It’s a strange feeling and I wouldn’t ever wish it on anyone else. It’s kind of like I’m in limbo … like I’m not sure how to feel so I just … exist. So plain and simple and just kind of … there, whenever I’m around you both._

_So I’m writing this letter. Not that you’ll ever receive it. I’m ready to move on. When that’ll be … I don’t know. But I’m ready. You were my biggest crush, Kim Junmyeon, and I’ve loved you since I was ten. Or maybe even before then._

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo_

 

* * *

  

The light in Kyungsoo’s bedroom is eerie, ghost-like, and unnerving. He really needs to replace the bulb and not rely on his phone’s light at night, but he kinda likes it when the sun sets and the warm, orange glow peers through his blinds. It makes him feel like he’s in some kind of vintage movie, or one of those over-dramatic romantic movies where the protagonist sits in front of a rainy window, sombre music playing in the background as they contemplate their life.

Do Kyungsoo, twenty-one, acting major.

That’s how he usually introduces himself, since that’s usually the only three things people ever ask him. If you were to ask Do Kyungsoo if he had any particularly neat party tricks, he’d say he can put a screen protector on a phone in under ten seconds. Perfectly. Even when drunk.

His best friend (Oh Sehun, twenty, fashion major) says he’s more than that. _Much_ more than that. Sehun will say Kyungsoo can cook a _mean_ chilli, or clean his entire three bedroom house in the space of two hours, or read over his lines once and memorise them.

Do Kyungsoo to Kyungsoo is … just Kyungsoo.

The short-sighted, short-haired, short-heighted (he’s over 170 cm, thank you very much) acting major studying at the local college twenty minutes from his house. The Do Kyungsoo who still lives at home, pays rent with his library job money, and refuses to buy a car because everything is within walking or subway distance. He’s just your average, run of the mill, Do Kyungsoo.

And next door to him is definitely _not_ your average, but indeed _higher_ than average, older, extremely handsome Kim Junmyeon. Someone who would never look at average Do Kyungsoo in a million years.

So, he writes the letter on special stationery paper using his special stationary pen, and stashes it away in the average looking brown cardboard box at the very top of his closet, never to be seen again.

 

The serenity of the light in his room comes to an abrupt halt when Sehun storms in, phone in one hand and a strawberry flavoured lollipop in the other.

“You needed my help?” Sehun asks, not bothering to look up from the tiny screen, but points the end of his lollipop in the rough direction of where Kyungsoo is standing.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. “I’m having a clear out,” he says, pointing to his closet which, although neat to 99% of the world’s population, is messy to Kyungsoo.

The pointing goes unnoticed as Sehun snickers at something on his phone, and then finally looks up at Kyungsoo.

“Do you need me to reach the top shelf?”

Kyungsoo scoffs.

“No.”

_Yes._

“There’s a lot of stuff in there I’m giving away and it needs more than two hands.”

Sehun sighs and throws his phone onto Kyungsoo’s bed, watching warily as it bounces a couple of times before coming to a still. He pops the lollipop in his mouth and clasps his hands together.

“So are we doing this now?” he asks, turning slightly so he’s facing the open closet. He gives it a quick look-over. “Kyungsoo, this is incredibly neat. What the hell are you planning to give away? Your entire closet? There’s like three things in here.”

Kyungsoo walks up to him and grips his shoulder tightly, feeling the soft fabric of Sehun’s dark blue hoodie settle between his fingers. Sehun always has the softest hoodies, and he reminds himself to ask which detergent he uses because it’s borderline ridiculous.

“The bottom is, sure. But the top two shelves are messy and I need more space for my college work. I need you to help me figure out what needs to be kept and what I can give away or recycle.”

“Because you’ll end up throwing everything out?” Sehun asks, looking down at Kyungsoo with an amused smile playing across his lips.

Kyungsoo nods. “You know I’m not really one for keepsakes.”

Which is _kind_ of a lie. He keeps things most important to _him_. AKA, things he doesn’t want people knowing about. Including his best friend.

Kyungsoo grabs the small stool from the corner of his closet and holds onto Sehun as he stands up on the top of the stool, making himself comfortable before reaching out for the first big box he can reach. He slowly hands it to Sehun who immediately drops it onto the floor, the _THWAP_ of the cardboard startling Kyungsoo into almost falling.

“Careful with that shit,” Kyungsoo says, tone harsh. “There might be some important stuff in there.”

“Is this what you usually do on a Saturday night, Kyungsoo? I cancelled plans to be here with you while you … clean.”

He stiffens.

Kyungsoo didn’t exactly _ask_ Sehun to cancel plans for him. Sehun is well within his rights to say no whenever Kyungsoo asks him to come over, but he can’t help but feel like Sehun doesn’t want to _be_ here, and it worries him.

Sehun must feel the minute change in Kyungsoo’s hold on his shoulder because he lets out a breath and clasps his hands together once more.

“Let’s get going! Any time spent with my Kyungsoo is quality time. Where do we start?”

Kyungsoo loves Sehun. He really does. They met in high school. Sehun was a grade below him but they always sat on the same table at lunch and took the same media class after school. They walked to and from school together because they only live a street a part. Sure, Sehun’s a brat sometimes and _sure_ , Kyungsoo often (most of the time) lets Sehun get his way.

But Kyungsoo wouldn’t have it any differently.

There are three big boxes and two smaller ones on Kyungsoo’s top two shelves. They start with the big ones first, emptying everything onto the floor, much to Kyungsoo’s dismay, and start organising.

Old papers that Kyungsoo no longer needs? Recycling pile.

A few scarves bought for his birthday from distant aunts and uncles that he’s never worn? Charity pile.

Before long, the light fades into darkness and Kyungsoo has to use his phone light to check each piece of paper Sehun hands to him. He only half-listens to a lecture from Sehun on getting his light bulb changed, and soon after, there’s only two small boxes left.

Sehun picks up the more decrepit of the two boxes, well-worn at the edges as if opened numerous times and not closed properly. He begins to open it but Kyungsoo, realising the box he’s holding, snatches it away from Sehun’s grasp and moves to put it under his bed.

Sehun side-eyes him. “What are you keeping in _there_ , Kyungsoo?” he asks accusingly, pressing no further when Kyungsoo simply shrugs and promises him it’s not porn.

Another half-hour passes and Sehun moans he can’t work in the lack of light, so he hugs Kyungsoo after he thanks Sehun for helping out, and bounces down the stairs, waving a hello and goodbye to Kyungsoo’s parents.

They’ve sorted Kyungsoo’s closet belongings into three boxes. One, the goods he wants to keep, and can’t part ways with. Two, stacks of paper that need to go to the recycle, which he’ll do this weekend with Sehun. And finally three, the odd clothing accessories and remainder of clothes from his closet he wants to give to charity.

Satisfied with their work, he gets ready to go to sleep when he remembers the box he shoved under the bed. He kneels down and pulls it from its temporary hiding spot, resting his hand on the cardboard box before taking a breath and opening it.

Five letters.

Each one neatly written and addressed to every boy he’s ever had a crush on. His most recent letter from a couple of years ago is addressed to Junmyeon, unopened and untouched since the day he placed it carefully in the box.

He sighs, closes the box once more and places it on the very top shelf in the back right corner.

 

* * *

  

The weekend passes quickly.

Sehun comes over with his Jeep on Sunday to help Kyungsoo take each box to their new home. Rather, Kyungsoo carries each box down the stairs, out the front door, over his lawn, and into the back of Sehun’s Jeep while Sehun lounges on his bed doing nothing.

He thinks absolutely nothing of the box he’s hidden safely and securely on the very top shelf. Absolutely nothing. Not even a glimpse of a thought.

Until three days later, there’s a knock at the door. A knock he’d recognise anywhere, five short raps and then two long ones.

Kim Junmyeon looks particularly _good_ today. His hair is slightly damp and frizzy from the drizzling rain and he moves to slick it back with one hand so it’s no longer in his eyes. He’s wearing his glasses today, not contacts, and Kyungsoo likes him best when he’s looks this. Like he’s just stepped out of some teenage romantic comedy.

Kyungsoo is about to greet him, ask if everything is okay when his eyes skirt down to the hand still at Junmyeon’s right side. He’s holding something, a letter of some sort? He’s not wearing his own glasses so he squints at the writing and realises it’s his own.

What the fuck? _What the fuck_.

“Kyungsoo, can we talk?” Junmyeon asks in his perfect velvet voice, cracking slightly on the last syllable as if he’s nervous. He hasn’t even wished him a hello as he begins to step foot inside Kyungsoo’s house.

Kyungsoo panics.

“Sorry Junmyeon! I’m really busy right now with uh, homework and stuff. Lines to rehearse. Can we do this another day? I’m really busy.”

“It’ll only take a minute, Kyungsoo. I, uh.” Junmyeon holds up the letter.

It feels like there’s a lump his throat and he wants to puke. His brain is buzzing and his vision goes a little black at the sides. If he doesn’t breathe within the next few seconds he’s going to faint and he definitely doesn’t need another embarrassing thing to happen to him right now.

He closes his eyes, breathes, and opens them once more.

Junmyeon looks a little scared. He’s stepped back outside of Kyungsoo’s house, both feet securely on the front porch. Unmoving.

“I really can’t talk now, Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo repeats, and closes the door on Junmyeon’s face.

What the _hell_ was Junmyeon doing with his letter?

He runs up the stairs as fast as he can carry himself and bolts into his room, jumping onto the stool to grab the cardboard box he’d shoved at the very back of his closet. Except when he reaches for it, it’s no longer there.

The box is gone.

The _letters_ are gone.

He’s positive he’d put them at the very back of his closet, far away from anyone’s prying eyes. Had he accidentally taken the box to the charity shop or the recycle? Had someone sent the letters for him?

His mind is going a mile a minute at every single possibility in his head until his eyes hurt and tears threaten to spill over. The anxiety claws at his throat as he paces back and forth in his room, running over every single thing he did the past weekend. He debates calling Sehun, but doesn’t want to drag him into something he had no idea even _existed_.

He falls asleep late, hoping and praying that the others weren’t sent, or at the very least, won’t be acknowledged.

 

* * *

 

Of course, nothing goes how Kyungsoo wants it to. He’s getting ready to leave for his class the next day when he spots Junmyeon waiting outside on his driveway. He’s looking at the Do household with his puppy-like eyes, as if waiting for Kyungsoo to exit so they can talk.

Junmyeon had initially moved away, around four hours outside of the city to study at university but had come back for his post-graduate degree. Kyungsoo sometimes caught a ride from him if the weather was bad, but Kyungsoo likes the walk to campus. It’s only around twenty minutes and more often than not, he’ll stop by the pond and feed the ducks for a little while.

Kyungsoo has a choice.

He can either face Junmyeon, wait for Junmyeon to leave without him and potentially be late for his first class, or skip the day altogether and get back into bed.

He strongly ponders the third option. His bed is calling out to him right now, to climb back in and wallow under the covers in shame.

He waits.

Two minutes.

Three minutes.

Five minutes.

All from the safety of his half-closed blinds.

Junmyeon eventually gives up and drives off in his car. Kyungsoo checks the time on his watch and concludes if he were to half-run to class he won’t be late. He picks up his bag, shouts a quick goodbye to his parents, and jogs to school, _just_ about making it to his lecture. He has to sit front and centre, but anything is better than having an unexcused absence.

Sehun would call him a nerd, but Kyungsoo would call it _not wanting to fail_.

He hopes he doesn’t see Junmyeon, or, to be quite honest, anyone else for the rest of the day. So he keeps his head down, grabs his laptop from his bag, and begins to copy the notes from the PowerPoint slide.

Not that much of it sticks in his brain anyway.

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo has written exactly five letters his lifetime and each one he’s refused to send, keeping them hidden away in a box at the top of his closet. Each letter has been written perfectly. No mistakes, no crossing out, no black smudges from the pen. They’re his keepsakes. He crushes on a boy, he writes a letter to them, he hides it away. It’s his _thing_.

He’s done it five times now. Anyone else would call him an idiot, tell him it’s easier to confess to the recipient of his feelings instead of bottling them up and writing about them in a letter, only for said person to never receive it. But it’s Kyungsoo’s way of _coping_. When he wants to get over a crush, he writes them a goodbye letter. That’s all it is. A goodbye. A “thank you for being the object of my affections for these past few months, but I’m ready to move on” type of letter.

For his eyes _only_.

He feels a little violated and that feeling sits low in his stomach, resurfacing every time he thinks about how each of the five boys he’s written about have most likely _read_ what he’s written.

He wants the ground to swallow him whole.

 

There’s no escaping lunch.

He doesn’t have a lot of time between classes so he power walks to the cafeteria, taps his foot as he stands in line to grab a sandwich and an apple, and is about to power walk right back out when there’s a hand on his shoulder stopping him from going any further. The jolt makes him lose grip of his unopened sandwich and it drops, almost hitting the floor but a hand reaches to catch it just in time.

“Careful,” the voice says like it wasn’t his fault Kyungsoo nearly dropped his entire lunch onto the floor in front of everyone.

Park Chanyeol, twenty-one, music major.

Or rather, Park Chanyeol, twenty-one, music major, and one of Kyungsoo’s old crushes.

Who he happened to write a letter to.

Who is holding the letter in his free hand.

That sickened feeling is making a home in his stomach again and he’s about to run out of cafeteria when Chanyeol bows down slightly so he’s looking directly into Kyungsoo’s eyes, concern etched across his face.

“Are you okay? You’ve gone like deathly pale. Sit down.”

He guides Kyungsoo to the nearest empty bench and straddles the seat opposite him. He doesn’t say anything for a little while, just plays with a stray piece of dark brown hair that’s out of place until Kyungsoo sits up properly.

“Listen, Kyungsoo, I’m flattered that you think I’m the …” He unfolds the letter and looks over it quickly. “ _Prettiest boy_ you’ve ever laid your eyes on, but I’ve just broken up with Jongin and things are really difficult right now so I’m just not ready to date, you know?”

Kyungsoo sits there, apple in hand, and just stares at Chanyeol.

Then he starts laughing.

He’s not entirely sure whether he found Chanyeol’s comment funny or whether it’s some kind of coping mechanism to the immense embarrassment he’s feeling, but he laughs. Rather loudly.

Chanyeol looks shocked, his eyebrows rising further than Kyungsoo has ever seen them go. Chanyeol glances around, whispers _sorry_ to those around them, and waits until Kyungsoo’s laugh has died down to a small giggle.

“Oh, Park Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo begins, fiddling with the stalk on his apple. “I’m not trying to date you.”

Chanyeol looks confused.

It’s kind of cute.

“But in the letter …”

Kyungsoo butts in. “It was written years ago, back when we were both eight. I don’t even remember what I wrote.”

 _You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, even with your Yoda ears and strange bug eyes_.

“Seriously, I don’t even know who sent them. Can I see it? Can I see what I wrote?”

His faux-confidence is strange to him, he’s acting like someone he’s not, which is something he’s actually _good_ at given his major. He holds out his hand for the letter Chanyeol is holding.

Chanyeol smirks and grips the letter tight in his fist.

“Nah, I think I’m going to keep it. I’ve never had a love letter written for me before.”

Chanyeol grins, a smile so wide it almost breaks his face in two as Kyungsoo leans forward to try and snatch it out of his hand. Chanyeol is quick, he sees the move coming before Kyungsoo can even _make_ it and he pulls his hand away, putting the letter in his back pocket.

“Who knew you were such a romantic, Do Kyungsoo!” He dramatically fans his face with his hand. “Why didn’t you give this to me sooner?”

Kyungsoo sighs. “Because they weren’t meant to be _seen_ by anyone other than myself.”

Chanyeol goes to laugh, but stops short of a grin and furrows his brow. “Hang on. _They_? How many letters did you write, Kyungsoo? Am I not the only object of your desire?”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. He might as well spill now. He’s just about all out of shame. “Five,” he says, shrugging.

Chanyeol chokes on air.

“ _Five?_ ” Chanyeol repeats. “All at the same time?”

“No, the first was yours and the last one was …” Kyungsoo hesitates, retreats back in on himself. He checks the time on the cafeteria clock, five minutes until his next class. He gets up to leave.

Chanyeol gets up with him, holds out his hand but doesn’t touch Kyungsoo. “Hold on, hold on. Who was the last one? When was the last one?”

Kyungsoo sighs. “Two years ago. Kim Junmyeon? He’s a couple of years older than us, he lives next door to me, I …”

Chanyeol interrupts, “hang on, isn’t he dating your cousin?”

Kyungsoo nods. _Thank you, Park Chanyeol, for the reminder_. “I write the letters to get over them. Once the letter is written, that’s my goodbye.”

Chanyeol looks at him funny. “You know it’s a lot easier _telling_ someone about your feelings, right? Rather than keeping them locked up inside?”

Kyungsoo laughs bitterly. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re Park Chanyeol, King of the Cafeteria. You’re loved by students and teachers and everyone in between. You could smile and people open up to you faster than they could snap their fingers. It’s your charm.”

Chanyeol grins. “You’ve opened up to me today, have I charmed you?”

Kyungsoo turns on his heels so he’s facing away from Chanyeol. He _really_ needs to get going.

“Nice try,” he retorts.

He leaves Chanyeol alone in the cafeteria. He’s going to be late for his next class but at this point he doesn’t really care.

This day really couldn’t get any worse.

 

By the time classes end, it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and the rain is pouring down outside. There’s really no way in _hell_ he’s texting Junmyeon for a lift, he shoves his papers and books into his backpack and steps outside ready to begin the twenty minute trek home soaking wet.

He’s about two minutes into his walk when a faded black truck pulls up beside him and stops. Kyungsoo, startled, keeps walking and pretends he doesn’t see it, but the truck crawls slowly beside Kyungsoo. He’s about to make a run for it when the window slides down and Chanyeol’s head pops out.

“Need a ride home, Kyungsoo?” he shouts over the rain, and Kyungsoo would say no but the rain is coming down _hard_ now and he’s worried his books won’t make the walk home. He nods and jumps in the passenger seat.

Inside the truck is warm. The hot air blasting from the air vents is relaxing and he melts into the seat.

“I’m sorry for getting your seat wet,” he murmurs, trying his best to keep his backpack in the footwell to minimise the water damage.

Chanyeol shrugs off his apology.

“I wouldn’t have stopped if I didn’t want you to get in, Kyungsoo. A little water isn’t going to harm anything.”

Chanyeol drives in silence for a minute or so, the only sound is the pitter patter of rain on the windshield. The music is turned down to zero, as if Chanyeol had turned it down specifically for Kyungsoo in case he wanted to talk. Which he doesn’t.

Chanyeol picks up on this.

So he talks instead.

“I was thinking,” he begins and he taps his fingers on the steering wheel, the repetitive _thrum_ to some tune Kyungsoo can’t decipher. “You’ve still got the lovey dovey feelings for your cousin’s boyfriend, right?”

Kyungsoo begins to protest, but Chanyeol shushes him. “And I’m trying to prove to my ex boyfriend Jongin that I’m over him, right? That I’m totally fine with him dating Taemin. Totally fine with it. So what if we like, let them think we’re dating?”

Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol, confused. “You’re … you’re kidding, right? You want people to think you’re dating me? That I’m dating you? What will that prove?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “It’ll throw Junmyeon off the scent. It’ll get Jongin off my back. I’m tired of his apologies and his ‘ _oh, I want to be friends’_ schtick. We’re friends, right? Let’s just let others think it’s more.”

Kyungsoo would hardly call them _friends_. Sure, they were a lot closer in middle school when there was a bunch of them that would hang out after school. But they all grew up, fell in different circles, talked less and less until it became passing nods in the hallways, or quick ‘ _hi, how are you_ ’s’ in class.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chanyeol. I’m not one to date, and you’re not one to date … _me_.”

He really didn’t mean for it to sound so self-deprecating, he’s really not that type of that person. But in front of Chanyeol, the tall, charming, ridiculously-talented-at-everything Park Chanyeol, Kyungsoo feels like he could describe himself using only the most positive adjectives and it’d somehow still sound self-destructive.

Chanyeol frowns. “What do you mean? This isn’t high school, Kyungsoo. I barely know half the people in my class, let alone the whole year. Just think about it, okay? My number hasn’t changed since high school, if you want to talk about it more then call me.”

They’re parked outside of Kyungsoo’s house and Kyungsoo is a little surprised Chanyeol still remembers where he lives. Despite Chanyeol growing up not far from Kyungsoo, he decided to live on campus for the full experience before getting an apartment with his roommate, Baekhyun, after their first year. Kyungsoo figures he hardly ever comes this way anymore, since his family lives on the other side of town.

“Thanks for the ride,” Kyungsoo mutters.

The rain has died down slightly but is still a light drizzle, so he opens the door and holds his bag above his head to run into his house.

“Think about it!” He hears Chanyeol shout, before he revs his engine and drives away.

Once he dries himself off with a spare towel from the bathroom and saves his books and papers from any further water damage, Kyungsoo fishes out his phone from his back pocket and checks his messages.

Three from Junmyeon, plus a missed call.

 **_Junmyeon_ ** ****  
**_2:03pm_ ** _  
_ _Are you at school? I can drive you home?_

 **_Junmyeon_ ** ****  
**_3:45pm_ ** _  
_ _We need to talk_

 **_Junmyeon_ ** ****  
**_4:26pm_ ** _  
_ _*1 missed call from Kim Junmyeon*_

 **_Junmyeon_ ** ****  
**_4:28pm_ ** _  
_ _Kyungsoo :(_

 

There’s a knock at the front door a little while later, five short raps and two long ones, and Kyungsoo doesn’t even need to check through the peephole to see who’s on the other side.

He opens the door to Junmyeon who sighs in relief when he sees it’s Kyungsoo.

“Can we talk now?” he says, defeat in his voice. “You’ve been dodging me all week.”

He tries to _will_ himself to be over this stupid crush, he really does. That’s what the letter was for. To say goodbye. But Junmyeon looks so _worried_ , and Kyungsoo’s insides melt at his expression. He’s pretty sure he wouldn’t even be feeling like this if the letters hadn’t been sent. Old feelings have risen up to the surface and are threatening to spill everywhere. He just wants all of this to be _over_.

He clears his throat. “I have a boyfriend,” he exclaims, shocked at his own words. He carries on, regardless. “That letter was written a few years ago when I didn’t have a boyfriend. But I do now. Have a boyfriend, I mean. I’m very much in love and you should definitely go now because it’s about to rain again and you know your hair goes frizzy when it’s wet.”

Junmyeon stares at Kyungsoo a little while, as if to take all the information in. He blinks once, twice, and opens his mouth to speak.

“Who?” he eventually asks.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo answers, itching his nose to do something with his hands so he doesn’t end up ripping his own hair out from the stress he’s feeling. “Park Chanyeol. From class. And … my childhood.”

Junmyeon’s mouth drops open. “ _Chanyeol_? I didn’t think he’d g-”

Kyungsoo frowns. “Go for someone like me? Well, he has. We’re boyfriends. I’m his boyfriend. He’s my boyfriend. _Boyfriends_. I have to go now, Junmyeon. It was nice seeing you though! Tell Hyewon I said hello.”

And he shuts the door on Junmyeon for the second time in a less a week. If he didn’t feel so deflated, he’d kind of be proud at himself right now.

He rushes back upstairs, allows his heart to calm down, and grabs his phone from his bed. He scrolls down to the C’s in his contacts and begins to compose a new message.

 **_Kyungsoo_ ** ****  
**_7:32pm_ ** _  
_ _Okay. Fine._

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo only has one class today.

English at three in the afternoon, so he agrees to meet with Chanyeol outside by the bleachers at twelve on the dot. Chanyeol is there early it seems, as Kyungsoo walks up and sits down on one of the benches. He takes out a notebook and pen, checks his phone, and greets Chanyeol half-heartedly.

Chanyeol laughs. “You sound like you’re having a good day,” he says, cheerily.

It somehow grates on Kyungsoo’s nerves.

“My super secret letters were somehow sent out in the mail and five boys across the city have received them. Did I mention they were meant to be super secret? I feel like I’ve just walked through campus naked or something. It feels like everyone is staring at me, it’s weird and uncomfortable and I don’t like it one bit.”

Chanyeol laughs again. “Don’t sweat it, it’s just your paranoia. No one gives a shit in college, you know that. Stop worrying your pretty little head and let’s talk logistics.”

 

As soon as Kyungsoo had sent that text message, Chanyeol had called him immediately, like he was waiting by his phone, finger hovering ready to hit _dial_. Chanyeol had tried to hash out the terms over the phone but Kyungsoo was tired, only half-listening and just wanted to curl up under his blanket and forget the day had ever happened. So he agreed to a meeting at midday, by the bleachers, to talk this through properly.

To talk through their _fake relationship_ properly.

Chanyeol clears his throat. “Well, first of all, it’s not completely out of the blue that we got together, you know? We share a couple of classes, we live in the same town, we’ve known each other for years. If people ask, we’ll tell them that.”

Kyungsoo nods, not quite believing that he’s actually agreeing and going through this.

It’s true, it wouldn’t be out of the blue. Kyungsoo knows a lot about Chanyeol, despite not really talking anymore. He knows Chanyeol is insecure about his ears (but Kyungsoo finds them cute), he knows Chanyeol _loves_ learning new things, and knows he’s a jack of all trades. He’s seen him play basketball one day and chess the next. He knows his mother and his older sister live at the opposite side of town and they co-own an Italian restaurant which does quite well. Kyungsoo _knows_ Chanyeol, or well, knows the old Chanyeol anyway.

The Chanyeol he knows is soft, his heart too big for his chest, and he loves with _so_ much that sometimes it’s _too_ much and he gets hurt.

He figures that’s what happened with Jongin.

“Kyungsoo, have you ever had a boyfriend before?” Chanyeol’s words cut through Kyungsoo’s thoughts like a hot knife and ground him. Reminds him that he’s currently sitting opposite of Chanyeol discussing their fake relationship.

His life is so bizarre.

Kyungsoo closes in on himself. “What’s that got to do with anything?” he asks, defensive. He has half a mind to get up and leave but Chanyeol apologises immediately for stepping out of line, so Kyungsoo stays.

“I mean like, I just need to know what your boundaries are. I don’t want to be all cute with you if it makes you uncomfortable. This is your turf, Kyungsoo. I may have suggested this but you’re leading the way.”

Kyungsoo thinks for a while about what he’s comfortable with and what he isn’t. Truthfully, he’s never had a steady boyfriend, only a few hookups here and there. He’s never really thought about having one.

He shrugs, gets an idea, and opens up his notebook to a clear page.

“We’ll write a fake relationship contract,” he says, much to Chanyeol’s amusement. In big, bold letters Kyungsoo writes CONTRACT at the top of the page and scribbles down the very first bullet point.

  * _Chanyeol is allowed to hold hands with Kyungsoo in public, but hugging and kissing are ONLY if NEEDED._



Chanyeol chimes in, “what do you mean _if needed_?”

Kyungsoo nibbles on the top of his pen as he thinks.

“If your friends kiss or hug their partners goodbye when we’re with them then it’s going to be weird if you don’t do the same.”

Chanyeol nods. “Good point,” he says, “what’s the next one?”

Kyungsoo thinks, but before he can put his pen to the paper, Chanyeol takes the pen from him and begins to write his own rule in his scrawly, small handwriting.

  * _Kyungsoo will take one selfie a week with Chanyeol and post it on his Instagram_.



“Oh, come on! Chanyeol, I hardly ever use it! I’m not even really sure _how_ to use it!” he exclaims and Chanyeol grins.

“I’m very Instagram-able. My face will revive your Instagram and you’ll have hundreds of adoring followers in no time.”

Kyungsoo steals the paper back from him.

  * _Chanyeol will not act like an over-confident idiot around Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo knows he’s better than that._



Chanyeol reads Kyungsoo’s writing upside down and there’s a warmth in his eyes that wasn’t there before. It makes Kyungsoo’s stomach turn a little and not necessarily in a bad way.

Chanyeol smiles slightly and holds out his hand for Kyungsoo to drop the pen into.

  * _Kyungsoo will not be too sarcastic around Chanyeol, as sometimes Chanyeol doesn’t sense it’s sarcasm and genuinely thinks he’s upset Kyungsoo_.



Kyungsoo reads, then looks up to Chanyeol, who shrugs. “You were kind of scary back in middle school, Kyungsoo. I think I was the only person who saw you for who you really were. Even if I couldn’t figure you out completely.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything in return. He simply dates and signs the contract and turns the paper back around to Chanyeol for him to sign underneath.

“So, we’re doing this?” Chanyeol asks once Kyungsoo has finished packing away the notebook.

Kyungsoo’s eyes linger on Chanyeol’s face longer than necessary.

He notices the slight worry behind Chanyeol’s eyes, as if he’s worried Kyungsoo is going to turn around and say no, even after all this planning. Chanyeol is tapping his fingers lightly against the bench table, a tell-tale sign that he’s anxious. He used to do it before tests or whenever he had to present in front of the class.

Kyungsoo reaches out and rests his hand on top of Chanyeol’s. There’s no intertwining of fingers or hand holding. It’s simply a reassuring touch.

Chanyeol’s fingers stop tapping against the wooden bench and Kyungsoo meets his eyes.

“Yeah,” he says with a nod, finding it funny that _he’s_ reassuring _Chanyeol_ when this was his idea to begin with. “We’re doing this.”


	2. Minseok

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for all the support on twitter and in the comments!! it really means a lot and it makes me really happy ;;

_Dear Minseok,_

_Has anyone ever told you how pretty your eyes are? I’ve never seen eyes as pretty as yours. The way they glisten in the light makes you seem younger somehow, it makes you look cuter. You’re very cute Minseok. I know you like being called that._

_I’m a little in awe of you, you know. You always bring brilliant ideas and questions to the book club. I really only joined because my friend Sehun forced me to, and I hated it at first, but then you talked me. You continued to talk to me every single session, including me in discussions and ideas and making sure I felt welcome. I think that’s what I like about you best, Kim Minseok. The way you make everyone around you feel at ease. I felt comfortable. You smile and it’s like nothing bad in the world matters anymore._

_It’s the end of my first year here at high school, but it also means it’s the end of your last. You told me you’re off to New York City to study Law, a dream of your parents but not necessarily a dream of yours. I hope you succeed in life, Kim Minseok, and I hope you end up following your heart._

_I think you’re incredible. I think you’re one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met, and I’d shout it from the rooftops if it meant more people could see how incredible you are._

_I hope you get everything in you want in life, Minseok. You deserve nothing but the best._

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo_

 

* * *

 

 _To:_ _dokyungsoo93@gmail.com_  
_From:_ _kimminseok90@gmail.com_ _  
_ _Subject: Kyungsoo, I really hope this is you_

_Hi Kyungsoo,_

_I hope this is the correct email address. I’ve spent about three days going back and forth between old classmates to find it out. This may seem a little weird, but I felt emailing was better than calling you out of the blue, especially with something as sensitive as this._

_I received your letter._

_It was sent to my parents’ address in the city, but they forwarded it to me and I received it just today. I’ve never forgotten how lovely you were. Silent, to begin with. A little misunderstood, I guess, but nonetheless, lovely. You started out so quiet I could barely hear you cough, and by the time I left, you were actively participating in discussions and arguing with anyone who disagreed with your points._

_You were right, in a sense. Law was never particularly my dream, but it runs in the family and I feel it’s my duty to carry on the legacy, you know? And I’m having fun! It’s difficult, but it’s fun. I’ve had the best years of my life out here, I’ve made friends and lost friends, made some decisions I’ve come to regret and some decisions that have led me to where I am today._

_I’m happy, Kyungsoo._

_Happier than I ever was back home._

_I’ve fallen in love, too. His name is Lu Han, he’s a vocal major graduate who came over here from China and is about to be signed to an independent label, can you believe that? Small-town Minseok, the aspiring lawyer is dating an up and coming singer. I can’t quite believe it, either._

_I’ve attached a copy of the letter you sent in case you wanted to see it, but I’m more than happy to send the original back to you, if you would like._

_Please do stay in touch, Kyungsoo, and for the record I believe you are incredible, too._

_Kim Minseok_

_P.S. Thank you for the comment about my eyes. Han tells me they twinkle at dusk, but I always felt he was being overly romantic._

 

* * *

 

Holding Chanyeol’s hand is nice.

Kyungsoo’s hands aren’t _tiny_ , by any means. His palms are smaller than average, his fingers are long, but they _feel_ tiny encased in Chanyeol’s. He’s warm, like _fresh towel from the dryer_ warm.

Kyungsoo likes it.

Chanyeol buys him his usual lunch without Kyungsoo even needing to clarify; egg salad sandwich and the brightest red apple in the bunch. Kyungsoo is about to take a bite of his sandwich, grateful he can finally eat after three back to back classes, when Chanyeol reaches across the table and grabs a hold of Kyungsoo’s left hand, intertwining their fingers.

Chanyeol looks a little distracted, worried almost, and Kyungsoo cranes his neck to take a quick scan of the room. He spots Jongin, over by the vending machines laughing at something Taemin is saying before bending down to pick up the energy drink he’s purchased from the machine. Jongin looks over and catches Kyungsoo’s eye, moves his gaze down to their entwined hands, then promptly turns back to his boyfriend.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks, understanding Chanyeol’s plight and he moves their hands from side to side to show to Chanyeol what he’s talking about.

Chanyeol nods, checks to see if Jongin has left the cafeteria, but doesn’t let go of Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo eats his lunch one handed.

 

* * *

 

He’s just about to get into bed when his phone buzzes next to him.

He squints at the screen and checks the caller ID: Sehun.

“Sehun, why are you calling at this time? It’s late,” Kyungsoo says, ready to dive into a lecture about staying up into the early hours, which may be a little hypocritical considering he’s still awake, when Sehun loudly shushes him.

“Is it true?” he asks.

Kyungsoo feigns innocence. “Is what true?” he responds, stifling a yawn because he really is _so_ tired, fake dating is _such_ a chore and Chanyeol talks _a lot_. Kyungsoo’s ears need a rest.

“That you’re dating Chanyeol? The Chanyeol? Mr. _Oh look at me I can do anything if I practice it for longer than two seconds,_ Park Chanyeol?”

Kyungsoo huffs out a laugh. “I guess so.”

Sehun makes a noise of astonishment. “Right,” he pauses, as if he’s decided something. “That’s it, I’m coming over right now and you’re going to tell me every single detail. Every single, tiny, little detail about how this happened and why. I mean good for you, Kyungsoo? I’m happy for you, but _how on earth -_ ”

Kyungsoo sits bolt upright in bed. “No please don’t,” he begins. “There’s nothing to tell. It just kind of happened.”

Kyungsoo is a _terrible_ liar around Sehun. He’d sniff out the lie in half a second and then spend the next six hours asking question after question after question. Kyungsoo really doesn’t need this right now, his life is manic enough as it is. He hopes Sehun can hear the plea in his voice and understand that Kyungsoo _doesn’t want to talk_.

Sehun is silent for a while on the other end of the phone, then sighs. “Okay, fine, but we’re talking about this at some point. Also, I want to speak to him so I can see whether he’s good enough for _my_ Kyungsoo yet or if he’s still as annoying as he was back in high school.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Fine. Will you let me sleep now? Will _you_ go to sleep?”

Sehun doesn’t answer his question, which means he’s probably going to be up for another couple of hours finishing an essay. “Goodnight, Kyungsoo. Have sweet dreams of your new beau, Park Chanyeol.”

Kyungsoo hangs up the phone and is about to place it on the bedside table when it buzzes once more, this time for a message.

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_01:33 am_ ** **  
** Can I pick you up before class? Like a good boyfriend?

 **_Kyungsoo_ ** ****  
**_01:34 am_ **  
Like a good fake boyfriend you mean

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_12:38 am_ **  
Sure. See you in the morning Soo :)

 

It doesn’t even register in his brain until he’s on the brink of sleep that Chanyeol’s apartment is on the other side of campus and he would be going completely out of his way to pick up Kyungsoo, which really is an entire step up from just simply dropping him off because of the rain. He doesn’t dwell on it much longer and by the time he’s fallen asleep, the thought is completely forgotten.

 

* * *

 

“I brought you coffee and a croissant,” Chanyeol says as Kyungsoo walks outside of his door at exactly 8:30 the next morning. Chanyeol is standing beside his truck, passenger door open as he waits for Kyungsoo with the drink in one hand, and the pastry in the other.

He looks good today. The oversized black hoodie stops just short of his thighs but he can still see how broad he is underneath all the fabric. Accompanied by his usual blue rip jeans, he looks _good_. Anyone with half a brain could see how _good_ Chanyeol looks.

Chanyeol takes a few steps forward to meet Kyungsoo. “I didn’t know what you liked in your coffee so I imagined the sweetest drink in my mind and then asked the barista to make it. You used to have a sweet tooth, so I just assumed you’d still be the same.”

Kyungsoo takes the drink from Chanyeol and reluctantly takes a sip. There’s coffee in there somewhere, sure, but it tastes like a caramel explosion on Kyungsoo’s tongue, with just that slight hint of bitterness.

“This is disgustingly sweet,” Kyungsoo responds, but lets a smile play around his lips in case Chanyeol takes his words the wrong way.

“I did well?” Chanyeol asks, holding the door as Kyungsoo steps inside the truck and settles into the passenger seat. He’s almost jumping up and down on the spot waiting for an answer like an oversized, over-excited puppy. Kyungsoo finds it kind of cute.

He nods. “You did well, Chanyeol. Now hand me the croissant you brought me, I’m starving.”

Chanyeol grins. “Only if you let me have a bite!”

Kyungsoo is about to pull the door shut when Junmyeon’s front door opens. Kyungsoo pauses, like he’s been caught somewhere where he’s not supposed to be.

“Is everything okay?” Chanyeol asks quietly, not catching on as quickly. He spins around and watches Junmyeon walk down his driveway to his car, stopping as he notices them.

“Good morning, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon says, squinting a little from the low morning sun shining in his eyes.

Chanyeol seems a little annoyed Junmyeon has blatantly _ignored_ him.

He smiles politely. It’s kind of scary. “Good morning, Junmyeon! I’m just here to take my _boyfriend_ to class because I’m a good _boyfriend_.”

Kyungsoo leans out of the door and slaps Chanyeol on the shoulder, and Chanyeol yelps in surprise, turning back around to face Kyungsoo with a pout. “That hurt Kyungsoo, I’m just trying to assert my dominance as your one and only.”

“Just get in the truck,” Kyungsoo says as he rolls his eyes and takes a bite out of the croissant Chanyeol had bought him. It’s still fresh and buttery on the inside and beautifully flaky on the outside, the heat from the pastry makes him feel warm as he settles further back into the truck’s passenger seat.

Chanyeol over-enthusiastically waves a goodbye to Junmyeon and gets into the driver’s side, starts the engine, and begins the short drive to campus.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Kyungsoo says once he’s finished his mouthful. “It’s not his fault any of this happened.”

Chanyeol shrugs and pushes the hair out of his eyes. “I know,” he eventually replies, as if he’d been thinking what to say before he speaks. “I got the feeling he doesn’t think very _highly_ of me, from the way he was looking at us. I hope he understands that you’re not _his_ to keep, Kyungsoo. I get that your family adore him and he’s the boy next door and every parents’ dream son-in-law but if you’re ready to move on then I think he needs to understand that.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t really understand what Chanyeol means, so he stays silent.

“Are you ready to move on from him, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks.

Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah.”

“Do you still want to do this? Us?”

Kyungsoo nods again, takes a sip of his coffee, and hands the remaining half of his croissant to Chanyeol. “Yes,” he replies more confidently.

Chanyeol smiles. “Good. I’m going to be the _best_ fake boyfriend.”

 

* * *

 

It’s been exactly a week since he started fake dating Chanyeol and since the encounter outside his house, Kyungsoo has said exactly zero words to Junmyeon.

He misses him.

He wishes the stupid letter hadn’t been sent to him.

He wishes he’d never written the letter in the first place.

He’s debating calling Junmyeon, telling him his parents aren’t home so he can come round and they can just _talk_. So Kyungsoo can apologise and everything can go back to how it was before.

It’s hard.

It’s harder with Junmyeon than with anyone else. Junmyeon has always been the handsome boy next door, the one Kyungsoo would longingly stare at when Junmyeon was over at their house and wasn’t looking his way.

 _The one who’s dating his cousin_.

It’s difficult and Kyungsoo feels like he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He doesn’t know how to get out.

He picks up his phone and is debating to hit the call button when a text comes through, the buzz making him jump.

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_11:47 am_ ** **  
** Kyungsoooooooooooo I’m bored are you up to anything today? Can I come over?

Kyungsoo debates saying no. They’ve spent every single day together this week and he hasn’t really had any time to himself. Having an empty house would be the opportune time to could catch up on work, maybe rearrange his room or start a new tv show, or _invite Junmyeon round to grovel_.

But somehow, he finds himself texting back a simple _yes_ , and twenty five minutes later there’s a knock at a door and he suddenly has a very smiley Chanyeol to entertain.

They end up baking cookies.

Kyungsoo finds a simple recipe online and Chanyeol is over the _moon_.

Kyungsoo grabs two aprons from the cupboard, a simple red one for himself and an over-the-top flowery one for Chanyeol which Kyungsoo thinks was probably gifted as a joke to his mother because he’s _never_ seen anyone wear it until today, and they get started.

Kyungsoo carefully measures out the flour and sugar and checks the cupboard to see if they have any leftover chocolate chips from when his mother made cookies for the rest of the nurses on her ward.

He finds them lodged at the back of the cupboard behind two cans of tinned soup, and turns to tell Chanyeol. Yet, Chanyeol’s somehow tripped over himself and there’s flour _everywhere_.

All over Chanyeol’s apron, all over the counter, and all over his face.

Kyungsoo should be mad. He really should. There’s mess everywhere and it’s going to take hours to clean up. But Chanyeol is standing there in the middle of a sea of white, looking sorry for himself, and Kyungsoo _laughs_.

Chanyeol pouts at the reaction. “It’s not funny Kyungsoo, I’ve gotten flour _everywhere_. Some even went into the bowl so now the proportions are off and … why are you still _laughing_?”

Kyungsoo walks over to where Chanyeol is trying to dust off the excess flour from his pale blue tee over the sink.

“Only _you_ could mess an entire room up in the space of three seconds,” Kyungsoo says. “Remember back in middle school when you dropped glue all over the classroom carpet and the teacher made you stay behind and cut it out with scissors?”

Chanyeol wipes some flour from his apron onto his hand and blows it in Kyungsoo’s face. He splutters and takes a few steps back.

“Chanyeol!” he exclaims and reaches into the big bag of chocolate chips to grab a small handful and throws them at him. Chanyeol gasps and is about to retaliate when Kyungsoo places the bag of chocolate chips onto the counter and holds up both of his hands in surrender.

“We’re not having a food fight in the middle of my goddamn house Chanyeol,” he asserts, taking off his glasses to clean the flour from them, sighing when he notices the state of the kitchen.

Chanyeol huffs. “You started it when you laughed at me.”

Kyungsoo spots a stray chocolate chip nestled in the front of Chanyeol’s hair and he reaches up onto his tiptoes, close to Chanyeol to pick it out carefully and throw it in the trash.

“You’re cute,” Chanyeol murmurs softly, quiet enough that Kyungsoo thinks that perhaps he maybe wasn’t meant to hear.

The cookies turn out great, despite the extra flour.

 

The day seems to fly by and after gorging themselves on cookies, with still enough to spare for Chanyeol to take a Tupperware box back to his apartment for Baekhyun to try, Chanyeol says his goodbyes but stops in the doorway just as he’s about to leave.

“You know when this is all over when Jongin realises I’m over him and when you’re finally over Junmyeon, we should still be friends. Today was fun, Kyungsoo. I had a lot of fun. You can come to my apartment next! I’ll get us popcorn and we’ll watch movies and gang up on Baekhyun when he complains.”

Kyungsoo tilts his head to the side slightly, amused at how bashful Chanyeol looks right now. Someone so tall and broad looking so small and sweet.

“I’d like that,” Kyungsoo replies. He reaches out reassuringly to stroke Chanyeol’s arm, maybe letting his hand linger a little too long. The fabric feels soft underneath his fingertips and he reluctantly takes his hand away and lets it rest at his side when Chanyeol looks down at the contact.

“Was there flour on my jacket?” he asks quietly.

Kyungsoo nods. “Yeah,” he says, lying.

“I’ll pick you up for class tomorrow?”

“Chanyeol, I live a twenty minute walk away, you don’t need to come out of your way whenever I have a morning class.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “But I want to,” he says.

 _Oh_.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo responds and looks at Chanyeol, into his eyes. There’s something behind them that he can’t quite figure out. It’s scary.

“Okay,” Chanyeol repeats, flashing his signature _Chanyeol Grin_ , then waves goodbye and runs down the path towards his car.

Kyungsoo shuts the door.

 _Oh_.

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo has never spoken to Jongin in his entire life.

Not out of dislike or even indifference, he’s just never had the opportunity to. They run in different circles and take different classes. He knows _of_ Jongin, even more now than ever because of Chanyeol, but he’s never had a conversation with Jongin.

People say he’s the nicest person you could ever meet and Kyungsoo doesn’t dispute that for a second.

Whenever Kyungsoo walks past him, he’s always talking to someone new. Chanyeol’s told him that Jongin attends after school clubs every single day, runs charity events for numerous causes during his free time and in between all that, somehow manages to become the lead of the annual ballet recital, perfecting every single step and performing three nights in a row. _Flawlessly_.

Kyungsoo isn’t entirely sure whether he wants to _be_ Jongin, _befriend_ Jongin, or _date_ Jongin. He’s pretty sure that a lot of other people feel the same way about him, too.

 

Kyungsoo is waiting in line at the Starbucks on campus around midday.

He’s tired after being up late finishing his assignment and then helping Sehun over the phone with his. He’s desperate for coffee and figures he may as well get Chanyeol a drink too since he’ll be seeing him the next ten minutes when they meet for lunch.

He’s just about to order with the half-asleep barista when there’s a gentle poke on his left shoulder. He turns around and stands face to face with Jongin. Or, rather, face to neck.

“Are you Do Kyungsoo? You’re Kyungsoo, right? Chanyeol’s new boyfriend?”

It takes a moment for Kyungsoo to register his words. Jongin is so beautiful up close, flawless skin, shiny dark hair, and deep brown eyes. Kyungsoo kind of forgets where he is until the barista coughs and prompts Kyungsoo to order his drinks.

“I am, yeah,” Kyungsoo responds after he’s given his order.

Jongin smiles fondly, eyes lighting up at Kyungsoo’s words.

“It’s really nice to finally meet you! I’ve seen you around campus and honestly I didn’t think you and Chanyeol even knew each other? But it’s nice he’s found someone else, you know? I was kind of worried for him for a couple of weeks.”

Kyungsoo’s name is called by the barista and he steps forward to retrieve both drinks, grabbing two straws from the side and he puts them in his pocket for safekeeping.

“We’ve known each other since we were six, actually. We went to the same school,” Kyungsoo eventually replies, not looking Jongin directly in the eyes because he feels like if he does, he’ll end up wanting to write him a letter. “We kind of grew up together. It’s been nice to talk to you, Jongin, but I really have to get going.”

Jongin waves politely and bids Kyungsoo goodbye. Kyungsoo, hands full, simply nods and walks out of the coffee shop into the brisk, fall air.

As he walks across campus to meet Chanyeol at the quad, he wonders whether he should tell him about his encounter with the _Actual Angel_ Kim Jongin.

But then he sees Chanyeol waiting across the courtyard and notices the big smile on his face when he spots Kyungsoo, bright enough to light even the darkest of nights and Kyungsoo makes a definitive choice.

_No, it doesn’t matter, I wouldn’t want to worry Chanyeol anyway._

 

* * *

 

Friday soon rolls around and Chanyeol invites Kyungsoo over for a movie and popcorn night, complete with one Byun Baekhyun. Chanyeol insists it was Baekhyun’s idea for Kyungsoo to join them and tells Kyungsoo that Baekhyun will _cry_ if he doesn’t say yes.

So on Friday evening, Kyungsoo finds himself knocking on their apartment door.

Byun Baekhyun, twenty two, vocal major.

“Kyungsoo!” he belts out, gathering Kyungsoo into a hug and dragging him inside the apartment. “God, you’re so cold, take off your jacket and grab one of the fluffy blankets from the back of the sofa. Chanyeol loves the mustard yellow one the best so I’m sure you will too. It’s so great to have you here! I’m bored of Chanyeol talking about you _all the time_ , I’d much rather get to know you in person.”

Kyungsoo likes Baekhyun.

Sure, he’s loud, whiny, and will cling to your arm if you don’t pay him any attention for longer than five seconds, but he’s nice and accommodating and he didn’t look at Kyungsoo weirdly like some of Chanyeol’s other friends did when he announced they were dating. He welcomes him easily, with open arms, _literally_.

So yeah, Kyungsoo likes Baekhyun.

He could even say they’re _friends_.

Stepping into the apartment, Kyungsoo hears a loud _crash_ coming from inside and an “Oops!” shortly after, followed by a bunch of curse words in several different languages. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and guides Kyungsoo to their kitchen so he can greet Chanyeol, who is currently on his knees picking up popcorn kernels from the floor.

“It’s nice to see that you trash other kitchens and not just mine,” Kyungsoo says with an amused lilt in his voice, thoroughly entertained at the sight.

Chanyeol makes a distressed noise. “I was trying to make snacks to impress you.”

Baekhyun beside them lets out an over-dramatic “ _Aww_!” and steps over Chanyeol’s mess to grab a couple of drinks from the fridge. “Don’t use the floor kernels, Chanyeol. There’s another packet in cupboard. I’ll throw them, and then _you_ out, if you do.”

“I’ll stay,” Kyungsoo mutters, refusing a drink Baekhyun tries to hand him as he crouches down to join Chanyeol on the floor.

The tiles are cold underneath his fingertips but Chanyeol’s smile is warm and appreciative. They get to work picking up the stray kernels as Baekhyun moves to choose the movie in the adjacent room.

If you were to ask Kyungsoo two weeks ago what’d he’d be doing at this very moment, he probably would say homework, or eating dinner with his parents. Just another average Friday for average Do Kyungsoo. He definitely wouldn’t say he’d be kneeling on the kitchen floor of his fake boyfriend’s apartment, waiting for his fake boyfriend’s best friend to choose a movie while he and his fake boyfriend pick up popcorn that his fake boyfriend dropped.

Perhaps average Do Kyungsoo isn’t so average anymore.

 _Either that_ , he thinks, _or I need to reevaluate my life_.

As they both move at the same time to pick up the small metal bowl originally holding the popcorn, their hands brush and Kyungsoo moves back to let Chanyeol take it instead. They look at each other for half a second. Chanyeol has a little lopsided smile that brings out the dimple in his cheek and Kyungsoo has half a mind to reach out and poke it, like he used to when they were young.

“Get your asses in here already, the movie is starting!” Baekhyun calls from the living room, and Chanyeol sighs, standing up to retrieve the new packet of popcorn from the cupboard over the sink.

When the movie ends, Baekhyun is half-asleep on the armchair, snack bowl almost empty, but drink almost full. Just as the bottle begins to slip from Baekhyun’s hand, Kyungsoo reaches out and grabs it before it falls onto the ground. Baekhyun startles from his state of almost unconsciousness and drags himself out of the chair and to bed, murmuring an almost unintelligible goodnight to the two left on the sofa.

Kyungsoo’s phone buzzes, a notification from Instagram letting him know that Sehun has liked Kyungsoo’s newest picture. It’s a photo of Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol just before they had started the movie.

In the photo, Baekhyun has his arm around Kyungsoo and is kissing his cheek, Chanyeol’s pressed close to Kyungsoo’s other side with a wide smile, and Kyungsoo has a look of disgust on his face.

The caption reads ‘ _My bae and I <3 …  and also Chanyeol _ ’ which was something Baekhyun had thought of and proceeded to whine about until Kyungsoo broke down and wrote the damn thing. Chanyeol, of course, had pouted and said it was unfair _his_ boyfriend and _his_ best friend were getting along like a house on fire, and maybe _his_ boyfriend would be better off with _his_ best friend instead. Both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had only laughed at Chanyeol, who began to pout even more.

Kyungsoo’s had a _good_ evening. Much better than he initially thought.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are _fun_ to be around. Their laughs are funnier than the jokes from the movie, Chanyeol constantly makes sure Kyungsoo is warm enough and asks if he wants a new drink or something to eat.

Baekhyun says it’s coddling and Chanyeol says it’s making sure his _adoring boyfriend_ is happy.

Kyungsoo thinks perhaps his life has taken an incredibly weird turn, but until now, until the laughter has died down and the apartment is quiet without Baekhyun’s rambunctious giggles, the truth is … he hasn’t thought about Junmyeon all evening.

Or the letters.

Or his embarrassment.

“Are you okay? You look tired,” Chanyeol says as he turns off the movie and switches the television to some documentary on animals.

Kyungsoo nods. “I’m great. Thanks, Chanyeol.”

And he means it.

“I missed you,” Chanyeol says eventually, sitting so he’s leaning against the back of the sofa. He doesn’t look at Kyungsoo, but straight up toward the ceiling instead, blinking slowly as if he’s tired too.

Kyungsoo frowns, confused. “What do you mean?”

Chanyeol doesn’t speak for a little while but he takes a long deep breath as if he’s thinking of his answer. Eventually, he moves so he’s sitting cross legged on the sofa, drink settled between his legs as he faces Kyungsoo.

“We used to be close back in middle school. I’ve missed that.”

Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol. His face is extremely hard to read which is _unnerving_ because Chanyeol usually wears his emotions for everyone to see.

“I think you were one of my only close friends back then. Apart from our little group, people thought I was scary.”

Chanyeol laughs quietly. “I mean you kind of _were_ to them. You refused to wear your glasses and just _stared_ at everyone instead of explaining your astigmatism. I remember having to do that job for you. I was the _King_ of being Kyungsoo’s friend, I would tell everyone you were the _opposite_ of scary, that you were just an idiot for not looking after your eyesight properly.”

“And then we grew up.”

Chanyeol sighs. “And then we grew up.”

They’re silent for a little while longer. Kyungsoo pretends to watch the documentary and he feels like Chanyeol is doing the exact same thing. The clock above the television ticks in time to the background music on the documentary and it seems loud in Kyungsoo’s ears, echoing in the deafening silence between them.

“What happened with you and Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks quietly and he immediately regrets the words that he’s just vomited out of his mouth, wincing when Chanyeol’s breath hitches but relaxes when Chanyeol turns to face him once more.

“I don’t know is my honest answer,” Chanyeol says, shrugging. “We were together for three years and then one day we weren’t.”

Chanyeol and Jongin’s relationship was pretty much common knowledge in their year. They met in a mutual class and frequently went to parties together. Jongin had kissed Chanyeol under the bleachers at a college football game like an 80’s teenage rom-com movie and after that, Chanyeol was absolutely _smitten_ by the dancer. He would often profess his love for Jongin to anyone and everyone he met, about how beautiful and talented he was, about how he was dating the future ballet prodigy.

And then one day they broke up.

One day, Chanyeol was single.

One day, Jongin was with Taemin.

“Are you sad?” Kyungsoo inquires.

Chanyeol thinks for a moment, then shakes his head slowly. “I mean, I was at first, you know? Like we were together for three years, that’s not something you can easily get over. But he’s happy with Taemin, they have a lot more in common than Jongin and I. They’re in love and I can tell it’s different then what it was with us. He’s happy and I was sad at first but now I’m happy.”

Kyungsoo nods. “And now you feel like you need to prove to him you’re happy?”

Chanyeol hums in agreement. “He’s very protective and he worries a lot, you know? If I tell him I’m over it, he’ll think I’m telling him I’m fine so he doesn’t have to worry about me. He knows I have a lot of insecurities and I projected those onto him. I think that’s ultimately what ended the relationship. He couldn’t take it anymore, but I’m not mad at him. I’ve grown up and learned from my mistakes. He’s moved on and so have I.”

Chanyeol’s face has fallen slightly and Kyungsoo thinks perhaps he’s not fine, not at all, but he doesn’t press further because Chanyeol wears his heart on his sleeve and he doesn’t want to hurt him.

They end up switching the conversation to happier things, about growing up and everything they’ve missed out on in each other’s lives after they grew apart in high school, and Kyungsoo comes to the _not so shocking_ realisation that he’s missed Chanyeol too. He’s missed the way his eyes light up whenever he’s excited to talk about something, or the way his eyes crinkle at the edges when his grin is so wide it threatens to split his face in two.

They talk late into the night and before long Kyungsoo’s eyelids begin to feel heavy and Chanyeol’s words blur together in his brain. He’s almost asleep when he feels Chanyeol slowly manoeuvre him to lie on the sofa and there’s a soft blanket thrown over him.

“You’ll want this,” Chanyeol whispers, pulling the mustard coloured blanket up to Kyungsoo’s chin. “I remember you used to get cold easily.” There’s a pause. “Aren’t I the absolute best boyfriend?” he asks, his tone quiet, but mischievous.

Kyungsoo yawns and snuggles further into the blanket, drifting off. “The best,” he murmurs.

Then he’s asleep.

 

* * *

 

 _To:_ _dokyungsoo93@gmail.com[  
](mailto:dokyungsoo93@gmail.com)__From:_ _kimminseok90@gmail.com  
__Subject: Catch up?_

_Hi Kyungsoo,_

_I hope you’re well!_

_I have a suggestion for you. I’m bringing Han home to visit the parents in a couple of weeks, would you like to get together and chat over a coffee, maybe? You can bring a partner if you wish, or if you feel uncomfortable it can just be you and me. Let me know! I’d love to see you again. I’ll make sure to bring your letter but I hope you’ll let me keep the scanned copy of it. I’ve never received a love letter before, not even from Han._

_All the best,_

_Minseok_

 

 _To:_ _kimminseok90@gmail.com_  
_From:_ _dokyungsoo93@gmail.com_ _  
_ _Subject: RE: Catch up?_

_Hi Minseok,_

_That sounds great. I can bring someone along, it’ll be nice to catch up with you, and meet your boyfriend as well. Let me know when you’re back in town and we can sort something out._

_Kyungsoo_

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo _loves_ his part time job at the library.

Not necessarily because of the learning, he’s never really been the type to have his head stuck in a novel, and he’s never really been the type to be particularly _good_ at schoolwork either. No, Kyungsoo loves the library because it’s _quiet_ and serene. He loves the old smell of books that haven’t been touched in years, dust gathering on the spines that he needs to blow away when he’s rearranging them on their shelves. He loves how comfy the dark red chairs are in the corner of the library, and how easily he can relax in one of the booths at the back during his break.

The twilight shifts are the best. The time between afternoon and night, just as the sun is setting low in the sky, the rays glistening through the high windows and casting shadows over the book laden tables. The library is even quieter then. There are less students clicking away at their keyboards, or scratching a pen across their notebook as they frantically finish their essays or notes before class.

He can use the quietness, the distant shuffling of papers and pages turning, chairs moving against the drab grey carpet and the tiny _thud_ s of books being placed back on shelves to _think_. About Junmyeon, about Chanyeol, about Jongin and Taemin and _everyone_ who’s affecting his life at the moment. About how one simple text led him to this very position in his life, _faking_ a relationship to try and get over the boy next door, while in turn helping his friend get over his ex.

His life is strange.

But would he really trade it for anyone else’s?

Maybe not.

His parents seem happy that he’s spending more time out of the house. He’s happy he has Chanyeol back in life, he’s missed him that’s for sure. Yes, it’s an incredibly odd situation to be in. It happened rather quickly and Kyungsoo still isn’t quite sure _what_ he’s doing, but he’s taking each day as it comes and so far, it’s going okay. He doesn’t even really think about Junmyeon when he’s around Chanyeol anymore. Which is a _good_ thing. He’s _hopefully_ started to get over him and that makes him _happy_.

He doesn’t want to admit it, not to anyone, but maybe it was a good thing those letters were sent. Even if it was literally the most stressful and embarrassing thing to ever happen to him.

He’s picking up three large, heavy books from one of the back tables a student had left when he hears it. A laugh he’d recognise anywhere, quiet, but noticeable. He follows the sound to the very back corner of the library, a place he hardly ever checks because no one really _sits_ there, it’s dimly lit and the chairs aren’t as comfortable.

Chanyeol sits, pen in hand but homework ignored as he’s glancing over the table, laughing at something Jongin is saying. Kyungsoo hides behind one of the stacks, using a small hole between two books to peek. He feels like he’s invading their privacy, like perhaps he shouldn’t be watching but for some reason his feet won’t _move,_ and he can’t look away.

Chanyeol looks _happy_. The crinkles by his eyes are back and his hand moves as if he wants to hit the table from laughter, but he stops just short of slamming it, as if aware he’s in a library where you’re meant to be _quiet_.

Jongin takes a sip of his coffee and then hands it to Chanyeol who takes it without hesitation and takes a sip, too. He winces, the bitterness no doubt hitting his tongue and he hands it back to Jongin, laughing once more. Jongin is looking at him intently, fondness in his eyes as Chanyeol’s eyes fall down to his work and … is he _blushing_?

Kyungsoo feels weird. Really weird. His stomach is making all sorts of uncomfortable flips and he thinks it’s maybe because he knows how _wrong_ it is to look at something that seems so _intimate_ between two people. Chanyeol looks at Jongin as if he’s the sun, like he’s right there but somehow still out of reach.

Kyungsoo wishes that someone would look at _him_ like that.

He turns away and puts the books he’s carrying in his arms back on the correct shelves, then clocks out of his shift to go home.

 

It’s dark by the time he gets back to his house. The air is crisp and cold against his cheeks but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind, he _needs_ it. He’d forgotten to take a jacket to college today, so he wraps his arms around himself to try and keep in some of his body heat, grateful he’s home where he can shower and sleep early.

He turns into his garden and walks up the stone path to his front door and stops dead in his tracks.

Junmyeon is sitting on Kyungsoo’s porch, his arms are tight around his knees as he sniffles, wipes his nose against his left arm, and takes a few deep breaths.

“Junmyeon?” Kyungsoo asks, cautious. “Are you okay? Is everything alright?”

Junmyeon snaps his head up at the noise and looks directly at Kyungsoo. His shoulders relax when he sees him and he shakes his head to try and compose himself. He’s been crying, _really_ crying by the looks of it. The porch light emphasises Junmyeon’s wet eyes and there are tear stains all down his cheeks, and his nose is runny.

Junmyeon initially doesn’t answer, he just sniffles a couple more times, so Kyungsoo takes a seat next to him, unmoving, not touching.

“Hyewon broke up with me,” Junmyeon eventually says, breath hitching on the last syllable as he tries to stop himself from crying, to no avail.

“Oh Junmyeon,” Kyungsoo answers and wraps his arms rather awkwardly around Junmyeon in a vague attempt to calm him, to somehow leech the emotional pain from him.

“I know you don’t want to speak to me right now. I know it’s awkward between us, but I didn’t know where else to _go_. She left half an hour ago and I didn’t want to go back into my house by myself so …”

Kyungsoo interrupts. “You’ve been out here all this time? Junmyeon, it’s freezing out. You could catch a cold. You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Junmyeon laughs wetly and wipes his sleeve against his eyes trying to dry them.

“I didn’t want to be alone. Your parents told me you weren’t home and they invited me in but I didn’t want to see them, I wanted to see _you_ ,” he eventually responds and Kyungsoo sighs, tightening his arms around Junmyeon even harder.

“You’re not alone. I’m here now, it’s alright.”

“I’ve missed you, Kyungsoo. I’m so sorry about everything that’s happened. I _miss_ you and you’re never here anymore, you’re with Chanyeol all the time, he’s great and all but he’s taking you away from me and I _miss you_. We were friends before the letter, Kyungsoo. We were good friends and now it’s awkward and my life feels _weird_ without you in it.” Junmyeon sniffs again and the tears threaten to spill over. He blinks hard to try and stop them but a few tears escape anyway.

Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to say.

“I’m sorry too,” he responds finally, and shakes his head. “I should have said something earlier, I didn’t know how to address the situation and the letters weren’t meant to get out. I … it’s just been so awful and I’ve been so awful to you, and I’m sorry.”

Junmyeon laughs once. “You haven’t been awful to me, Kyungsoo, you’ve been _you_. Awkward and quiet. I just wish you’d said something before and we could have worked it out, you and me. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me, Kyungsoo. I want things back to the way they were before.”

There’s a sudden chill in the air and they both shiver from the breeze. Junmyeon shuffles and Kyungsoo lets go of him so Junmyeon can wrap his jacket further around himself to try and combat the cold.

“I … I don’t think we _can_ , Junmyeon. Not yet anyway.”

Junmyeon is silent for a while, thinking his words over. “I understand,” he says quietly. “But I’m here for you whenever you want things to go back to how they were before the letters. I’ll always be here for you, Kyungsoo. You know that, right?”

Kyungsoo is about to answer but his phone rings from his jacket pocket, startling the both of them. He checks the caller ID and notices Chanyeol’s name. Junmyeon spots it too.

“Do you need to get that?” he asks.

Kyungsoo shakes his head and hits the _decline_ button. “No,” he replies and puts his phone back in his pocket. “I’m here with you tonight.”


	3. Yixing

_Dear Yixing,_

_You probably already know this but … I like you._

_I like you a lot, actually._

_I don’t make friends very easily. Shocking right?_

_People tend to call me scary or moody. Those same people tend to stay away from me, and call me weird because I squint due to my terrible eyesight. In fact, I used to have this one friend when I was younger who kept telling me I’d be a lot less scary if I just put on my glasses. Then he’d tell the other kids this like it was his job._

_But eight year old me didn’t really like being told what to do, and to be honest seventeen year old me doesn’t like it much, either._

_But with you, Yixing, that very first day I started my summer job with you at the veterinarians, you were the first person I met. You greeted me with your heartfelt smile and started speaking to me as if I wasn’t the awkward newbie. It felt like I’d known you all my life. You’re really easy to get along with, maybe the easiest friend I’ve ever made._

_I like talking to you, Yixing. I like watching you work as you calm down the animals if they’re scared, or the way you greet them when they wag their tails and jump into your arms for comfort._

_I like you._

_And … it’s difficult, because I finish the summer job in two weeks as my final year of high school starts and I probably won’t see you ever again. You told me a while ago you’re going back to China to work closely with endangered animals, and you told me you don’t know if you’ll be back or not. And it makes me sad, because I think you’ve been my most favourite crush of all, Zhang Yixing._

_I’ll miss you._

_I’ll miss you a lot, actually._

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo_

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t speak about the library incident with Chanyeol. He feels it’s definitely something he should _not_ have seen, and he’s worried Chanyeol may get angry or feel disappointed with him if he blabs that he was in fact there.

Watching them.

Watching _Chanyeol_.

So, he doesn’t say anything. He keeps quiet and as much as his entire existence is trying to tell him something that Kyungsoo can’t quite figure out, he keeps it bottled up inside and goes about his daily life as if he hadn’t seen Chanyeol make heart eyes at his ex-boyfriend.

Plus, he has an extremely sad Junmyeon to deal with right now.

Kyungsoo had called Hyewon once Junmyeon retreated to his house that evening, all cried out and ready to sleep. She was upset too. She wouldn’t stop crying on the phone, solemn sobs that broke Kyungsoo’s heart in two. He’d eventually gotten the story from her once she’d calmed down. Ultimately, she had told him, that even though she loved him, they were moving at different speeds. He wanted to move their relationship forward to something even more _serious_ and she was still young, she wasn’t ready. She liked how their relationship was, she didn’t _want_ what he wanted. It tormented her, and they argued, and she’d had enough.

So, she broke up with him. Right there, on his front lawn that evening. She’d kissed him on the cheek goodbye and then drove off, and hadn’t looked back. She hasn’t contacted him since.

And it broke Junmyeon.

It pains Kyungsoo to see Junmyeon cry over someone, but Kyungsoo realises the hurt he’s feeling is because his _friend_ is in agony, not because _he’s_ not the one Junmyeon is crying over. Somewhere over the past few weeks, and he’s not entirely sure when, his feelings for Junmyeon changed. The revelation of the letters brought them to the surface but maybe that’s what Kyungsoo _needed_. Maybe so he could reevaluate his feelings and finally _understand_ what was going on.

The letters were a wake-up call.

 

* * *

 

He’s musing over the different types of spaghetti sauces on sale in the local grocery store when he turns his head and spots him. The unmistakable mop of blond hair, slightly curly at the ends. The the man walks with a certain grace Kyungsoo could never quite understand. _How_ could something as simple as walking look _so_ good?

His heart stops, then beats all too fast. Spaghetti sauces forgotten, he turns on his heels and is about to run to another aisle when his name is called, and he halts.

“Kyungsoo? Is that you? Do Kyungsoo?” the voice shouts from the other end of the aisle and Kyungsoo winces, takes moment to compose himself and he turns around with a forced smile etched upon his face.

“Zhang Yixing?” he exclaims, as if he hadn’t noticed him before.

Yixing grins. “Yeah! It’s me! Kyungsoo, how are you? It’s been so long! This is so strange, I was just thinking about you!”

Kyungsoo winces and tightens his grip on his shopping cart in a poor attempt not to keel over from embarrassment. He feels a little light headed. He wants the ground to swallow him whole.

“You received my letter,” Kyungsoo says and Yixing nods. Kyungsoo hopes his smile isn’t a _pity_ smile because he’s not sure how much more of this letter debacle he can take.

“I didn’t want to say anything, since it’s private and no doubt uncomfortable for you. By the look on your face, I can assume it wasn’t meant to reach me … but since you mentioned it … Kyungsoo, it’s okay there’s no need to look so terrified! It’s okay! I know it was written a long time ago and you probably don’t have those feelings anymore. I’m not upset or angry with you, I promise.”

Yixing reaches out and runs his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s arm soothingly, reassuring him his words are the truth. Kyungsoo immediately feels relaxed and a little less embarrassed, but he still can’t look Yixing in the eye.

Yixing, as always, notices. “Listen,” he says, picking up his shopping basket from where he’d placed it on the floor. “Finish up your shopping and let’s grab a coffee in the café next door. We can catch up and I can talk about my return to China! I’ve been dying to tell someone and I can’t think of anyone better to talk to!”

Kyungsoo _likes_ Yixing. Maybe not in the same way he used to, but the way Yixing is speaking to him as if they had only seen each other yesterday and not _four_ _years ago_ eases Kyungsoo’s anxiety. Returning Yixing’s dimpled smile, Kyungsoo says _yes, I’ll have coffee with you_.

Kyungsoo’s been saying _yes_ a lot, lately.

 

Yixing has ordered for him by the time he sits down. The coffee is hot against his lips, slightly too bitter and not quite sweet enough but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, Kyungsoo finds himself focussing on Yixing’s mouth as he begins to talk.

Yixing tells him about what he’s been up to the last three and a half years. His face lights up as he tells Kyungsoo about how he’s been working with endangered animals and helps keep the conservations thriving and poacher-free. He tells him how he moved back six weeks ago to take a job as head veterinarian in the very same place they’d met. He tells Kyungsoo about how Tao, his old roommate, had welcomed him back with open arms and a huge pile of unwashed dishes in the sink. He talks for what seems like _ages_ about his love for his work and it’s inspiring to Kyungsoo. He can’t remember the last time he saw someone so passionate about what they did for a living, but it’s clear how much Yixing loves his job.

He’s cute too.

 _Really_ _cute_ , in fact.

Not just in the visual department.

The lilt in his accent is stronger than he remembers and sometimes he struggles over words when he can’t remember the correct way to pronounce it. Kyungsoo finds himself smiling at Yixing over his cup of coffee and it reminds him of the days where they’d sit and talk for ages in the break room between appointments. Yixing was always one for a good chat, and Kyungsoo is happy to see this hasn’t changed a single bit.

“So, enough about me,” Yixing says as he leans back in his hair to grab the attention of the waitress. He orders another round of coffee for them and leaves her a little flustered as he flashes her a dazzling smile. “What’s going on with Do Kyungsoo? You’re at college now, right? Are you seeing anyone?”

Kyungsoo hesitates. Of course, the short answer is _no_. He’s not seeing anyone. He is very much single despite what everyone around him thinks.

But on the off chance they have mutual friends and Yixing talks about him to them … he doesn’t want to ruin the entire plan he and Chanyeol have built.

“It’s … complicated,” Kyungsoo replies, not looking Yixing directly but rather down at his half-empty coffee cup out of fear Yixing will be able to see something suspicious behind his eyes.

To be honest, he’s so close to telling Yixing everything; about all five letters, about Junmyeon, about his and Chanyeol’s fake relationship plan to get over someone. Yixing is _that_ easy to talk to.

But he doesn’t.

Because he made a promise to Chanyeol.

Yixing nods, understanding. “I’m sure everything will work out in the end. You like this person, right?”

Kyungsoo finds himself nodding. He’s not sure whether he’s telling the truth or if he’s just trying to appease Yixing.

“Then I’m sure everything will go the way you want it to. Relationships take time, Kyungsoo. Let this person know how you feel. I know it’s scary, but you’ll feel better, I promise.”

Kyungsoo suddenly doesn’t want to talk to Yixing anymore. He doesn’t want to talk to _anyone_ so he mutters a terrible excuse about the milk in his shopping bag that needs to be refrigerated, and gets up from his chair to leave.

“That’s a shame,” Yixing says, as he finishes his coffee. “But here, give me your phone and I’ll give you my number. You can text me your address and I’ll send the letter back to you. It’s addressed to me but it’s not mine to keep.” He smiles warmly. “Stay in touch, Kyungsoo, yeah?”

Kyungsoo nods, bids his goodbyes, and leaves. His stomach feels uneasy and he can’t stop thinking about Yixing’s words.

_You like this person, right?_

Kyungsoo feels strange.

 

* * *

 

It’s his parents’ twentieth anniversary and they’ve decided to spend the weekend away at a bed and breakfast outside of the city, which means Kyungsoo has the entire house to himself.

Usually, he’d rejoice.

He’d bask in the silence and catch up on missed episodes of his favourite anime. He’d practice new recipes in the kitchen, or rearrange some of the furniture in his bedroom.

But on Friday afternoon, his only morning class finished and exactly an hour and a half into his weekend of tranquillity, he already feels _lonely_. The silence is too much and the television isn’t helping. He hasn’t received a text message, or spoken to anyone besides his TA all day. He wants to _talk_ to someone.

His first thought is Chanyeol. He wants to talk to Chanyeol.

Except they’ve already spent so much time together this week and Kyungsoo feels like such a bad friend for _kind of_ neglecting Sehun, so he calls him and invites him over, much to Sehun’s glee.

Sehun walks into the house around an hour later without even knocking and plops himself down onto the couch, practically _lying_ on top of Kyungsoo, who huffs from the weight but doesn’t move.

“Did you miss me?” Sehun asks, looking up at Kyungsoo and swiping at his chin with his free hand.

“Don’t start,” Kyungsoo responds, and places both hands over Sehun’s mouth, feigning smothering him.

Sehun flusters and bats Kyungsoo’s hands away. “You did miss me. That’s cute.”

They sit like that for a while; Sehun sprawled all over Kyungsoo as Kyungsoo poorly attempts to change the tv channels with half of a free arm. Eventually, Kyungsoo pushes Sehun off him and the couch, and goes to grab drinks from the kitchen.

When he walks back into the living room, Sehun looks incredibly suspicious, and Kyungsoo’s phone is _not_ in the same place he’d left it.

“Oh no,” Kyungsoo says, stomach dropping. “What have you done. I know that face anywhere.”

Sehun flutters his eyelashes. “Nothing!” he responds, not looking directly at Kyungsoo. In fact, he’s looking anywhere _but_ at Kyungsoo. “Don’t be so distrustful of me. I’m innocent.”

Kyungsoo barks out a bitter laugh and hands him the bottle of water. “Yeah? I’ll believe that when I see it,” he says and settles down to watch the television alongside his best friend, completely on edge. He trusts Sehun, but he knows what Sehun is like and he wouldn’t be surprised if anything out of the ordinary happened with Sehun as the instigator.

Half an hour later, there’s a knock on the door and Kyungsoo sighs loudly.

He turns to face Sehun, who keeps his eyes glued to the screen. There’s a smirk playing around his lips.

“What have you done?” Kyungsoo hisses.

Sehun shrugs and doesn’t answer, only nudging at Kyungsoo until he’s up on his feet and moving to answer the door.

It’s Chanyeol.

Of course, it’s _Chanyeol_.

Everything in his life is Chanyeol at the moment.

“Hi Kyungsoo! I’m here. I’m so glad you asked me to come over because Baekhyun refuses to stop playing his video game and shouting at kids in his headset. Honestly, I’m this close to dying of boredom or throwing his console out of the window.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “I didn’t ask you. Sehun must have stolen my phone and texted you.”

Chanyeol’s face deflates, his smile disappearing as his shoulders sag. “Oh, okay.” He begins to turn to walk away. “I’ll leave you be then.”

Kyungsoo reaches out from his doorway, grabs onto Chanyeol’s arm and pulls him inside the house, shutting the door behind them. “You’re here now, aren’t you? You might as well stay. I’m pretty sure Sehun only did this so he can grill you … just be prepared for that.”

Chanyeol smiles and salutes while Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the gesture.

 

Kyungsoo offers to cook for them all, thinking it’s a good opportunity to try out a new recipe he’s learned from one of the many cooking shows he watches, but Sehun moans he wants Thai food, so they order takeout instead.

The atmosphere in Kyungsoo’s living room is strangely tense.

Sehun sits in the lone armchair while Kyungsoo and Chanyeol sit on either end of the couch. Chanyeol looks awkward, out of place and a little scared as Sehun peppers him with questions to see if Chanyeol is good enough for _his_ Kyungsoo. The terrified look on Chanyeol’s face is sort of adorable and Kyungsoo can’t help but reach out and take Chanyeol’s hand when he begins to tap his fingers against the cushion, anxious. Chanyeol stops mid-answer, looking down to their hands, then back up to Kyungsoo’s face. Kyungsoo feels Chanyeol squeeze his fingers slightly as if to say _it’s okay_ and he finishes his answer with ease.

When the delivery guy rings the doorbell, Sehun is in the middle of asking Chanyeol what his top three favourite anime series are and Kyungsoo shushes them, reaching for his wallet to pay for the food.

“I’ll get yours,” Chanyeol mutters as he lets go of Kyungsoo’s hand and reaches into his own pocket to pay for them both.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “It’s okay Chanyeol, I can pay for myself.”

“You can get mine if you want,” Sehun pipes up and Chanyeol throws a pillow at him.

“Are you my boyfriend? No. I’m not getting your food. Don’t be a brat.”

Kyungsoo wants to say _you’re not my boyfriend, either_ but when he thinks about it, he feels all funny inside. Since Sehun is in the room, he doesn’t say anything, letting Chanyeol pay for his meal only after making Chanyeol _promise_ that Kyungsoo can pay for them next time.

“You were annoying in high school, but after tonight I’ve decided you’re good enough for my Kyungsoo, but only _just_ ,” Sehun says talking around his mouthful of Pad Thai.

“Thank you,” Chanyeol replies, accepting the backhanded compliment with ease. Kyungsoo notices that he doesn’t look at Sehun, but instead he looks down at his carton of food and takes extra care twirling the noodles around his fork, a pink blush forming on his cheeks. “Kyungsoo is good for me too.”

 

Kyungsoo can’t help but feel warm and fuzzy inside at the fact his best friend and _fake_ boyfriend get along really well. They take photos of each other and Chanyeol forces Kyungsoo to post one to his Instagram, letting Kyungsoo pick the filter this time: Clarendon.

Kyungsoo’s enjoying himself and is smiling more than he has all week. He feels relaxed and _happy_ and looking at Chanyeol makes him _happy_. For someone so quiet and introverted as Kyungsoo, having one close friend had been enough for him, but Chanyeol seems to have wormed his way in. He’s gotten under Kyungsoo’s skin and nested there, unwilling to leave.

And Kyungsoo is totally okay with that.

 

Sehun ends up falling asleep after only one single beer in the armchair, mouth open and drooling a little. Kyungsoo quietly leans over Chanyeol to take a few pictures on his phone to use as leverage in the future while Chanyeol tries his hardest not to giggle from underneath him. Kyungsoo looks around at the dimly lit room, there’s empty takeout cartons all over the table accompanied by empty and half empty beer bottles. Although slightly tipsy, he gets up and gathers a handful of cartons, gestures for an _also_ slightly tipsy Chanyeol to gather up the beer bottles and they make a vague attempt at cleaning the living room.

Chanyeol empties the dregs of liquid from the bottles into the sink and quietly places them into the recycling, careful not to make too noise in case he wakes up Sehun in the other room. It begins to rain outside, the soft pitter-patter of droplets cascade onto the kitchen window, and Kyungsoo finds himself pausing.

Kyungsoo _loves_ the sound of rain.

The alcohol running through his system heightens his emotions and he sways from side to side against his kitchen counter and he closes his eyes to let his ears do all the work as he just _listens_. The world around him is quiet and tranquil as he takes in the sounds of outside, letting the alcohol in his veins do its work.

There’s a shuffle in front of him and it startles Kyungsoo from his serenity, he opens his eyes and Chanyeol is right in front of him, staring down at him, unmoving.

“Is everything alright?” Kyungsoo hears himself say but his words are slightly slurred, from a mixture of alcohol, tiredness, and light-headedness of Chanyeol being _right there_.

Chanyeol hums. “Sehun thinks you’re good for me,” he whispers, reaching his hand out to rest it lightly on Kyungsoo’s waist. Kyungsoo can’t move backwards due to the counter but even if he could, he doesn’t _want_ to. If anything he wants to take a step forward, _closer_ , but he stands still. Deathly still. Not afraid but not exactly confident either.

“You’re drunk,” is all he can say.

Chanyeol breathes out through his nose. “Hmm. Maybe I’m slightly tipsy. It wouldn’t change this situation even if I were completely sober, though.”

Chanyeol is right there.

He’s _right there_ and all Kyungsoo needs to do push himself up on his tiptoes. One small, tiny movement and he’d be kissing Chanyeol, right there in his kitchen.

All he needs to do is move.

 _Move, Kyungsoo_.

“Am I interrupting something?” Sehun says as he drags himself into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

Chanyeol sighs and takes a step back. Kyungsoo can’t help but notice how _disappointed_ Chanyeol looks, it’s etched all over his face and it sends a jolt of excitement throughout his body.

Sehun raises his eyebrows. “Clearly, I was. I’m going home. It’s late and I’m exhausted. Kyungsoo, if Chanyeol even _thinks_ about driving home tonight, throw his keys out the window.” Sehun blows them an air kiss each, picks up his jacket from the back of the dining room chair and leaves without saying goodbye.

“I’ll sleep on the couch tonight then,” Chanyeol declares as he stretches his arms and lets out a yawn. He begins to make his way back into the living room when Kyungsoo reaches out to stop him.

“No,” he whispers, not being entirely sure about what he’s doing. “You’re way too lanky and weirdly proportioned for our couch.”

“Well then, where else am I going to sleep? I’m not sleeping in your parents’ bed, Kyungsoo, that’d be really weird.”

“Sleep in my bed.”

Chanyeol shakes his head. “I’m not letting you take the couch while I have your bed to myself, that’d be rude of me. I’m totally fine sleeping on the couch, just hand me a blanket and I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places.”

“No,” Kyungsoo repeats. “I mean, the bed is big enough for more than one person, just sleep with me. _Next_ to me. Sleep next to me. It’s fine, honestly.”

He’s a hundred percent sure he wouldn’t be proposing this if he hadn’t drank those few bottles of liquid courage. Do Kyungsoo, king of awkwardness, asking Park Chanyeol to sleep in the same bed as him. In all honesty, he doesn’t want Chanyeol to hurt his back sleeping on the couch and since Kyungsoo _hates_ sleeping on that couch and doesn’t want to venture into his parents’ bedroom, sleeping in the same bed seems the only viable option to him.

Chanyeol seems to mull it over for a few seconds, weighing the pros and cons in his mind before his shoulders relax and he nods in approval. Since Chanyeol doesn’t have any night clothes to sleep in, Kyungsoo guides him upstairs into his room and fishes out some basketball shorts that used to be his brother’s and a hand-me-down navy blue t-shirt he’s never worn because it’s too big for his shoulders. It fits Chanyeol perfectly.

Aside from Sehun lounging around like he owns the place, Kyungsoo has never had anyone else in his bed before. It’s odd. He feels a little uneasy having someone this close to him when he’s most vulnerable, but Chanyeol falls asleep before him and Kyungsoo watches his chest rise and fall. He ends up breathing in time with Chanyeol, and before long he’s fast asleep too.

 

* * *

 

 When Kyungsoo wakes up the next morning, he’s unequivocally _warm_.

Too warm for an early fall morning.

There’s a heavy weight leaning back against his chest and he can’t quite move his left arm as he tries to manoeuvre himself to get more comfortable. There’s a slight tickle against his nose and he opens his eyes, only to see dark brown hair right up against his face. For a split second he’s confused and then he realises.

 _Oh_.

The weight holding down his arm is Chanyeol’s arm laid over his. The dark brown hair tickling his nose is Chanyeol’s dark brown hair.

He’s _cuddling_ Chanyeol.

In his own bed.

He’s a little scared to move for a minute or so, but his mouth is ridiculously dry and he needs a glass of water. So, he makes a poor attempt to lift his arm from the grip of Chanyeol’s hand, despite knowing that Chanyeol is probably ten times stronger than he is.

Chanyeol only hums at the movement and pulls Kyungsoo’s arm around him even tighter in his half-conscious state of mind.

“I like being the little spoon,” Chanyeol murmurs into the pillow. “Five more minutes, please.”

And Kyungsoo, for some reason, obeys. He lets Chanyeol have those five extra minutes before he ends up having to almost wrench himself away from Chanyeol to get a glass of water.

He makes sure to bring one for Chanyeol too.

 

They don’t talk about last night.

Or this morning, for that matter.

It’s the elephant in the room as they make coffee together; big, loud, and desperate to be seen but they both refuse to talk about it.

So, they don’t.

Instead, they ask each other their plans for today. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are going to see a movie later and Kyungsoo has college work to do. They talk about the weather, about how it’s meant to rain all next week and even though Chanyeol hates the rain, Kyungsoo _loves_ it. They talk about the possibility of making cookies together again, this time with significantly _less_ flour on the kitchen floor.

Chanyeol even changes Kyungsoo’s bedroom light bulb, replacing the old, blown bulb with brand new one that actually _works_ , that actually _lights up_ Kyungsoo’s room so he doesn’t have to use his own phone light when it’s dark.

When it’s time for Chanyeol to leave, he finishes the last few swigs of his coffee, places his cup into the sink, then takes his keys from the hook by the entrance to the kitchen where he’d left them the day before.

“Walk me out to my car?” Chanyeol asks with a cheeky wink and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, but leads the way as he opens the front door to walk beside Chanyeol.

“Do you want me to open your driver’s door for you as well, your majesty?” Kyungsoo questions, his tone light but heart heavy as Chanyeol laughs so hard at Kyungsoo’s rather pitiable attempt at humour.

Chanyeol looks good when he laughs.

Chanyeol should laugh all the time.

A car pulls up just as Chanyeol is about to get into his own and Kyungsoo notices it’s Junmyeon. This time, however, his heart doesn’t race. He doesn’t worry, or fret. He waves as Junmyeon says hello and is about to wish Chanyeol a goodbye when Chanyeol looks over to Junmyeon, back down to Kyungsoo, then pulls him in by the waist and dips down to kiss him.

Kyungsoo is kissing Chanyeol.

Right there on his front lawn. For everyone to see.

For _Junmyeon_ to see.

Chanyeol tastes of coffee laced with sugar and although Kyungsoo doesn’t usually like that bitter taste, he enjoys it on Chanyeol.

He’s a little too stunned to properly kiss Chanyeol back and it feels like the kiss is over before it’s even begun. Chanyeol takes a couple of steps back so he’s leaning against his truck, a smug, satisfied look emblazoned across his face as he crosses his arms.

“Uh, I guess I’ll see you around then, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon says as he looks back and forth between Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. He turns on his heel and heads inside his own house.

Kyungsoo had forgotten he was there, to be honest.

“ _What was that for?_ ” he asks Chanyeol as soon as they’re free of Junmyeon.

“I was kissing you goodbye, you know, as _boyfriends_ do.”

Kyungsoo lets out of a noise of frustration and shakes his head in dismay. “The contract states that kissing is _only_ if _needed_. That wasn’t _needed_. You broke the contract.”

Chanyeol shrugs. “Some rules are made to be broken, I guess. I’ll catch you later, Kyungsoo.”

He gets into his truck and drives away, leaving Kyungsoo in the exact same place he’d kissed him, thoroughly confused.

The bitter taste of Chanyeol’s coffee still lingering on his lips.

 

* * *

 

It’s when he’s vacuuming his living room the next day that he notices it.

Chanyeol’s hoodie, lying unfolded on the back of the couch.

Chanyeol’s _favourite_ hoodie, to be exact.

There’s nothing really to be desired about this hoodie. It’s oversized and black with a brand logo across the front Kyungsoo doesn’t recognise. But Chanyeol wears it so often Kyungsoo isn’t even sure Chanyeol has time to _wash_ it.

He puts away the vacuum and goes back to the living room to pick up the hoodie. It’s heavy in his hands and the smell is familiar to him.

Chanyeol’s cologne.

It’s still early in the day. He supposes he could walk to Chanyeol’s apartment to give it back to him. It’s only a forty minute walk and it would get him out of the house. Considering it’s meant to rain again all next week, it would give him some time to take in the fresh air while it’s not pouring down.

It’s bizarre.

A month ago, he’d have much rather stayed at home but now he wants to go out and _see_ people. Have a conversation, laugh, and have fun. Sure, all of those things happen to coincide with Chanyeol coming back into his life, but he tries to convince himself wanting to see his boyfriend, his _fake_ boyfriend, is not the _only_ reason he has this newfound social confidence. If you could call it that.

His mind already made up, he folds the hoodie and tucks it under his arm as he begins to walk to Chanyeol’s. Halfway to Chanyeol’s, his anxiety flares up in his chest, and thoughts of _maybe he’s not wanted there_ begin to invade his mind.

Perhaps he should have called Chanyeol to give him a heads up.

Standing outside Chanyeol’s apartment building, Kyungsoo knows it’s too late to turn back now.

 

An older woman opens the door and at first, Kyungsoo thinks maybe he’s at the incorrect apartment. Maybe he stepped out of the elevator onto the wrong floor.

“Can I help you?” she asks sweetly, smiling Kyungsoo. She’s wearing a soft knit sweater and a skirt that falls down past her knees, nothing overly fancy but strangely elegant all the same.

“Is, uh, Chanyeol here?” Kyungsoo asks, tucking the hoodie further under his arm, making sure it doesn’t fall to the ground as he shuffles and looks around the hallway, attempting to reassure himself he’s at the right place.

The old woman nods and turns to face the inside of the apartment. “Chanyeol, dear! There’s a man at the door for you.”

“Ooh, a _man_! What kind of man?” Chanyeol responds, but he’s at the door before the woman can respond to his question. “This man!” Chanyeol shouts as he pulls Kyungsoo inside. “My man! Mother, meet Kyungsoo.”

 _Mother_.

It’s been _years_ since Kyungsoo has seen her and he’d forgotten what she looked like. But taking her in now, _of course_ , she’s Chanyeol’s mother. The familiar eyes, the same nose, similar demeanour. Kyungsoo hopes he’s not turning deathly pale at the revelation. He feels a little faint.

Chanyeol’s mother lights up and reaches out to hug Kyungsoo. She gently pushes him away after a few seconds but doesn’t let his arms go as she looks him up and down. “Little Do Kyungsoo? The last time I saw you, you were so young! So, you’re the one my son can’t stop talking about? Chanyeol, he’s a lot more handsome than you described, I didn’t know _your_ Kyungsoo was _this_ Kyungsoo.” She turns back to Kyungsoo and winks. “He’s underselling you.”

Kyungsoo just stands there and lets out an awkward laugh. He _knows_ he looks absolutely terrified at this unexpected turn of events.

Chanyeol seems to notice. Stepping forward, he lightly nudges his mother out the way and wraps his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders reassuringly. “Mother don’t scare him. He’s easily spooked, like a baby deer, or a hermit crab. One wrong word and he’ll retreat back into his shell and only he’ll only poke his head out when there’s anime or food around.”

Kyungsoo unwinds himself from Chanyeol’s embrace and hits him on the shoulder, not hard enough to actually hurt him but Chanyeol still rubs at his arm and pouts like a baby. “Mother did you see that? He hit me! Tell him off for being mean.”

Chanyeol’s mother laughs. “Chanyeol, don’t be such a child, you deserved that completely. Kyungsoo, carry on putting him in his place. He needs that. He needs you.”

She leaves for the kitchen as the kettle starts to whistle on the stove, humming as she walks away. Kyungsoo watches her leave.

He doesn’t want this. Kyungsoo didn’t _want_ to bring parents into this situation. They’re essentially lying to everyone they know and Kyungsoo can’t do that to Chanyeol’s mother, or his parents, or really _anyone else_. This is getting too out of hand, he thought it would only be happening for a couple of weeks at best, but it’s been almost four and now with Chanyeol’s parents involved ...

“You brought my favourite hoodie back!” Chanyeol exclaims from beside Kyungsoo, startling him out of his daze. Kyungsoo remembers the garment burrowed under his arm and he hands it to Chanyeol, who brings it up to his chin as he nestles his face into the soft fabric.

“Why do you even like that hoodie?” Kyungsoo asks, inquisitive. “It’s not even your best one.”

Chanyeol shrugs.

“Don’t you have a favourite piece of clothing, Kyungsoo? I don’t know, I just feel most comfortable wearing it. It’s big and makes me feel safe, you know? Jongin kept telling me he hated it, that it didn’t fit me right because it was so big and I should wear more fitted clothes to suit my body. He wasn’t cruel about it, of course. He wasn’t trying to dictate what I should or shouldn’t wear, it was just his opinion, I guess. But now that we’re broken up, I can wear it more often without worrying about him. so I’m getting the most use out of it I can. You don’t like it?”

Kyungsoo wants to hug him. “I like it,” he replies immediately, and Chanyeol smiles at his response, content.

Chanyeol is trusting him with his insecurities and hidden emotions no one sees because people think Chanyeol is the funny and loud one, the one that brightens up the room when he walks in and could make even the saddest person crack a smile.

And sure, that’s Chanyeol.

But there’s so much _underneath_ all of that, something raw and buried and _real._ He’s so grateful Chanyeol trusts Kyungsoo enough with all of this. Every day Kyungsoo learns something new about Chanyeol, something other people may not necessarily know and it fills Kyungsoo’s heart with such warmth that he can’t help but look up at Chanyeol in awe.

“Are you okay?” Chanyeol asks when Kyungsoo hasn’t said anything for a minute or so.

Kyungsoo smiles. “Yeah,” he responds. “Go wash that damn hoodie before it stands up by itself.”

He doesn’t know when this arrangement with Chanyeol is going to end. In fact, the thought of not seeing Chanyeol almost every day fills him with dread, but he hopes that, even after all of this, they stay friends. He doesn’t want to live a life without Chanyeol, because even though they’ve only been dating for four weeks, Chanyeol has brought so much light into Kyungsoo’s life.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want his life to be dark ever again.

 _Fake dating_.

He needs to remember that.


	4. Jongdae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> >:)

_Dear Jongdae,_

_First of all, I absolutely refuse to call you JD. Jongdae is a nice name and as much as you think people calling you JD is cool, it really isn’t._

_You were my first partner and you’re also my favourite partner to work with in drama class, even if you’re a little distracting. The way your eyes form crescent moons when you smile makes me forget my lines. You’re so talented at musical theatre, your voice carries for miles and it’s cute when you whine if you don’t get your way. Everyone adores you, from the teachers to the students, and I always get little flutters in my stomach when you pick_ me _out of everyone else to work with. Is it weird to say I’m a little starstruck around you? You’re not famous, but you’re popular and you don’t let it go to your head like others do. I hope one day you become famous, and everyone around the world can see how talented you are, then I can say I had a crush on the famous Jongdae. People will ask me all about you and I’ll tell them proudly about how talented and wonderful you were._

_Because that’s what you deserve._

_You deserve to have everyone look at you in admiration._

_Because you’re Kim Jongdae._

_Although, I hope you don’t go by JD. It’s awful._

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo_

 

* * *

 

Kim Minseok is perhaps even more beautiful than Kyungsoo remembers.

Once Minseok had landed from New York, he’d emailed Kyungsoo for his phone number and they spoken over the phone to arrange a date, time, and place to meet to catch up. Minseok had asked if he was bringing anyone, Kyungsoo without hesitation had said Chanyeol. Gleefully, Minseok had agreed that he’d bring his boyfriend Lu Han too.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol get to the diner first.

The afternoon sun glares through the large floor-to-ceiling windows of the restaurant and Kyungsoo tries to count the dust particles floating through the air as he waits to see Minseok again, nervous.

What if the meeting is really awkward?

He knows he has Chanyeol to save the day in case anything goes wrong – his way of talking himself out of any situation is incredible – but he’s still a little scared regardless. He’s always placed Minseok on an incredibly high pedestal – nothing about Minseok in Kyungsoo’s mind is flawed so what if his rose-tinted glasses had changed his view of Minseok so drastically that when he eventually walks through the door, Kyungsoo is disappointed?

Highly unlikely, sure, but Kyungsoo tends to overthink things.

He half expects to see Minseok walk into the local diner in a three piece suit, because isn’t that always how lawyers appear in those American shows? They walk everywhere like they’ve just come from a _Very Important Meeting_ and have to be at another _Very Important Meeting_ right that second?

But when the diner door _dings_ loudly to announce someone has entered the diner, Kyungsoo looks up to see Minseok, dressed in a soft salmon pink sweater and black jeans. His curly black hair falls over his face and he flicks it out of his eyes with a swooping motion of his head as he looks around the room for Kyungsoo. His smile is unmistakable as he spots Kyungsoo and Chanyeol in one of the booths and he rushes over, tugging Lu Han by the hand who looks rather shocked at their sudden change in pace.

Kyungsoo stands up and sidles out of the booth awkwardly to greet Minseok, who pulls him in for a big hug, his arms wrapping around Kyungsoo tightly as if he doesn’t want to let go.

“Kyungsoo, it’s so good to see you!” Minseok says as he finally lets go after what seems like hours, and shuffles himself and Lu Han into the booth. Kyungsoo sits back down beside Chanyeol, who is sporting a rather annoying smirk on his handsome face.

Minseok leans back into the booth seat and sighs. “It’s a miracle I got here on time, to be honest. The traffic was terrible getting here from our hotel. Has it always been this terrible, Kyungsoo? I haven’t been back here in so long,” Minseok drones on as he grabs the drink menu from behind the salt and pepper shakers and scans his eyes over the choices. “Although, I’m not sure why I’m complaining, the traffic in New York is so bad it can take an hour to travel two blocks.”

Lu Han laughs and speaks for the first time since they both arrived. “You’re being a little over dramatic, don’t you think, Grandpa Kim?” he says in heavily accented Korean, batting Minseok on the arm playfully and looking at him lovingly.

Minseok looks older, sure. It’s been a few years since Kyungsoo’s eyes have been graced with Minseok’s appearance and unsurprisingly, Kyungsoo remembers every little detail about him. His cat-like eyes are just as beautiful as he remembers, his nose just as button-like and cute, his jawline just as sharp. His hair however has changed. It’s curly on top now, neat but clearly permed, short at the sides, and back to its natural jet black from the light brown Kyungsoo remembers.

Kyungsoo is about to ask Minseok how he’s been after all these years, but the waitress comes by to take their drink orders: two large vanilla milkshakes for Minseok and Lu Han, a coke for Kyungsoo, and a banana and toffee milkshake with extra whip cream for Chanyeol. Once she’s noted down their orders on her pad and leaves to get the drinks, Minseok clasps his free hands together and turns to face Chanyeol.

“So, you must be Chanyeol! Kyungsoo has told me all about you,” he says a little too loudly, and Chanyeol _grins_ smugly once more and holds out his hand over the table for Minseok to shake enthusiastically.

“The one and only!” Chanyeol replies, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.

Minseok and Chanyeol start to talk between them, mostly about Kyungsoo and how they met, about high school, and Chanyeol’s degree. Minseok’s last year had been Kyungsoo and Chanyeol’s first, so Minseok and Chanyeol had never even met, let alone talked in the short time they’d been in the same school.

In all honesty, Kyungsoo feels a little left out, not being able to get a word in edgeways, and he’s a little _jealous_ Chanyeol and Minseok have hit it off almost immediately. In order to quell the strange bitterness he feels – although he’s not entirely sure whether if it’s because he’s not getting enough attention from Minseok, or if he’s not getting enough attention from _Chanyeol_ – he talks to Lu Han instead.

Lu Han is very nice, and very easy to talk to. Kyungsoo can see why Minseok likes him a lot. He has soft pink hair that matches his gentle facial features. His eyes seem to sparkle under the dim glow of the diner’s lights and his tender smile whenever he talks about Minseok is heart-warming. He’s incredibly clever too. Chooses his words carefully, knows multiple languages, and even takes evening classes in his spare time focussed on a number of topics.

Lu Han tells Kyungsoo he and Minseok had met in a karaoke bar in Koreatown in New York City. Lu Han had worked part-time to help with his tuition fees, mostly evenings behind the counter, and Minseok had been there one evening to celebrate his birthday with some of his college friends. He’d asked Lu Han if he wanted to join, and Lu Han had declined but had asked Minseok if _he_ wanted to join _him_ on a date instead.

The rest was history.

 

The waiter comes by with the drinks around five minutes later and Chanyeol moans when he takes a sip of his banana and toffee milkshake.

“Kyungsoo, you _have_ to try this,” he says, pushing his tall glass over to Kyungsoo’s side and urges him to take a sip. “It’s incredible. Your sweet tooth will thank me.” He winks.

Kyungsoo side-eyes Chanyeol, but takes a sip of the milkshake anyway. Chanyeol is right, his sweet tooth _is_ thanking him. The sweetness of the toffee sauce drizzled around the inside of the glass is perfect against the fruitiness of the banana ice cream nestled on top and he’d drink the entire thing if it wasn’t Chanyeol’s. He takes another sip and begins to push the glass rather reluctantly back over to Chanyeol.

Except Chanyeol seems to notice how much he’s enjoying the milkshake so he smiles, and takes Kyungsoo’s coke from next to the shake and drinks that instead.

Kyungsoo looks at him, then back to the milkshake, then to the coke, then back to Chanyeol.

“I’ll order one next time we’re here,” he whispers to Kyungsoo as he takes a sip of coke, quenching his thirst. “You seem to be enjoying that more than me, anyway.”

Minseok notices the interaction and interrupts before Kyungsoo can decline Chanyeol’s offer of the drink swap. “Cute,” he says, leaning down to take a sip of his own milkshake. “You guys are cute together.”

“Don’t embarrass them,” Lu Han says, and Minseok rolls his eyes in response.

“Do you remember when we were like that, Han? Back when we were in our honeymoon phase.”

Lu Han scowls. “You’re talking as if we’re eighty years old. I’m twenty-five, I’m hardly old.”

Minseok laughs. “Don’t listen to anything he says. The other day he stood up from a chair and complained for a full hour that his back hurt. He’s old.”

Lu Han whines. “I pulled a muscle during yoga! It was completely valid!”

Chanyeol laughs loudly along with Minseok, and Kyungsoo can’t help but marvel how _good_ Chanyeol is being at being his fake boyfriend. He looks like he’s genuinely having fun, he talks about Kyungsoo whenever he can, and even reaches out to side hug him, pulling Kyungsoo against his warm body after telling stories of them from when they were younger.

“So, how did you guys go from friends to _more_ than friends?” Minseok asks as he finishes his vanilla milkshake. Lu Han still has half of his, so Minseok picks up his straw, leans to the side and drops it into Lu Han’s shake, and takes a sip of that too. Lu Han doesn’t even bat an eye.

Kyungsoo stiffens in his seat. They’ve been doing this for a couple of months now but for some reason they’ve missed talking about the _crucial_ question. He’s about to reel off some fabricated story he’s quickly compiling in his head in the hopes his lame lie will suffice but Chanyeol speaks up.

“I’ve had a crush on Kyungsoo since we were six,” he says, and reaches out to squeeze Kyungsoo’s hand. “Kyungsoo was this shy little kid with bad eyesight and people found him a bit scary, but I didn’t. We became friends quickly much to his chagrin, I think.” He laughs, and Minseok laughs along with him. Kyungsoo scowls.

“One day when we were eight, we were playing and I fell over in his front yard running after him and I grazed my knee. Being the absolute baby I was back then I burst into tears right on the grass. It wasn’t even that bad, there was hardly any blood but I think it was the shock, you know? Before I could even wipe my eyes, Kyungsoo was there with a tissue and he was telling me that my knee was okay and everything was going to be okay. He helped me into his house and got the Band-Aids from the first aid box, gently placed one onto my knee, then looked up at me and told me I was going to be fine.

“I remember thinking that he was perhaps the best person I’ve ever known, and I wanted to be around him all the time.” He takes deep breath. “You could say I’ve always been a little bit in love with him. We grew apart when we grew up but those feelings have always been there I guess, buried in the back of my mind. When I received his letter, I realised it was our _time_. I asked him on a date, and he said yes. I haven’t looked back since.”

Kyungsoo _stares_ at him, mouth agape. He remembers the incident. He remembers Chanyeol bawling his eyes out on the bright summer’s day, he remembers helping him into the kitchen, soothing him while wiping away his tears. But it was one of those incidents he’d never thought of again. It was simply just a kid scraping his knee. Kyungsoo had done it countless times. Nothing special, or noteworthy.

He’d never even _thought_ of including a real-life incident into their lie. Especially one as seemingly insignificant as that.

Minseok makes an incredibly loud _awwwww_ sound and Lu Han rolls his eyes at his boyfriend being over-dramatic but grins at Chanyeol, who blushes slightly from the praise. Kyungsoo deflates in the seat and breathes out, happy Minseok and Lu Han believe Chanyeol’s story. He’s an incredible liar, Kyungsoo thinks, interweaving truth into something to make it more believable.

Chanyeol is a brilliant story-teller.

Almost as if it was all real.

 

They talk for what seems like ages.

The gleaming sunlight outside has now faded into the familiar dim evening glow and the diner’s overhead lights seem brighter, faker as the outside darkens. However, Minseok isn’t any less bright than when he walked in.

Kyungsoo had fully expected to fall straight back in love with Minseok when he entered through the front door of the diner. He had fully expected to take one look at Minseok’s face and feel those familiar fluttery feelings in his tummy, sense his heart skip a beat or two, or go light headed from seeing his former crush after all this time.

But after sitting across from him for several hours, Kyungsoo comes to the strange revelation that he doesn’t feel any of that. Yes, he admires how attractive Minseok still is, perhaps even _more_ since the last time he saw him. The faint forehead lines, most likely from stress give him character. He wears subtle eyeliner now that make his eyes pop even more than normal. He no longer dyes his hair, most likely for his profession but his hair looks soft and healthy, despite the perm. But those feelings he used to harness?

They’re completely gone.

When Chanyeol excuses himself to go to the bathroom, Kyungsoo is left by himself on his side of the booth, and Minseok looks at him with an amused expression etched into his face.

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow, questioningly.

“It’s nice to see you’ve found someone who loves you, Kyungsoo,” he says eventually, once Chanyeol is completely out of earshot.

Kyungsoo must look shocked because Minseok giggles and clarifies. “I mean, the way he gazes at you when you’re not looking ... people told me that’s how Han looked at me at the beginning of our relationship and now look at us.” He reaches out his hand to take Lu Han’s into his own. “You’ve grown a _lot_ since school, Kyungsoo. I mean you were always rather grown up, but you’ve grown _emotionally_ too. You guys look at each other like the other is your entire world. It’s nice to see you happy, I was worried about you back then. It’s nice, that’s all.” He notices Kyungsoo’s expression. “There’s no need to look so concerned.”

Kyungsoo relaxes his face to appease Minseok, but his brain is going a mile a minute and he can’t seem to shut it up.

Chanyeol must be a better actor than he thought. Damn, is there anything he _can’t_ do?

Before Minseok can say anything else, Chanyeol comes back from the bathroom and the thought is lost as Chanyeol starts talking again about anything and everything. Kyungsoo can’t stop looking at him and it’s obvious Minseok notices, but Kyungsoo can’t bring himself to care.

 

When Minseok and Lu Han have to leave, Chanyeol drives Kyungsoo home. It’s only a five minute drive and they could have walked, but it’s just so _cold_.

“So,” Chanyeol drawls, breaking the silence between them. The music from the radio plays quietly in the background. “That was nice.”

Kyungsoo nods.

“It was nice to see him again and it’s good he’s happy with Lu Han.” He pauses, glancing over at Chanyeol. “Thank you for coming with me today, by the way.”

Chanyeol hums, nods his head and doesn’t say anything for another minute or so.

Kyungsoo finds this odd.

“Are you okay?” he asks eventually and Chanyeol takes a second to respond.

“Do you still have feelings for Minseok?” he asks quietly.

Kyungsoo thinks this over for a second, thinks back to his thoughts in the diner and confidently shakes his head. “Not anymore,” he replies, and looks back from Chanyeol to the road ahead.

Looking at Chanyeol makes him feel weird.

“Do you have feelings for any of the people you’ve sent letters to?”

Kyungsoo hesitates at Chanyeol’s question. A simple _yes_ or _no_ isn’t good enough because he’s not sure how to answer.

He looks at Chanyeol finally. His expression is unreadable and it _scares_ Kyungsoo. Chanyeol always wears his emotions on his face, wears his heart on his sleeve, but in this very moment Kyungsoo has no idea what he’s thinking and it’s _terrifying_.

“I’ll take that silence as a yes.”

Kyungsoo freezes in his seat.

Chanyeol continues, “Junmyeon is a good guy. I don’t know if he’s worthy of your heart but each to their own, I guess.” There’s something in Chanyeol’s voice that Kyungsoo can’t quite figure out. Just another thing to add to Kyungsoo’s growing list of worries about Chanyeol this evening.

And then it hits him. Hard. Like a wall of emotion, a revelation, his very own _Eureka_ moment that catches him off guard and creates a weird and unusual feeling all throughout his body. Everything suddenly makes _so much sense_.

He wants to scream out, loud and clear and let Chanyeol know that he’s _wrong_ , _so wrong_.

He wants to take Chanyeol’s face into his hands and he wants to make Chanyeol _look at_ him. He wants to tell Chanyeol he doesn’t _like_ Junmyeon anymore. Not in that way. Because _those_ feelings have been replaced.

Perhaps _replaced_ isn’t the correct word, the thinks. He wants to tell Chanyeol that those feelings have faded. New feelings have emerged instead, something so incredibly terrifying and daunting that it scares Kyungsoo, but in a good way. In a new way. Something so _strong_ that he understands it completely.

He wants to tell Chanyeol that those feelings for Junmyeon are gone, they’ve been broken down, they’ve disappeared into nothingness.

Because he likes Chanyeol, instead.

He likes him a _lot_.

He doesn’t say any of that though. Instead, he says nothing and keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

The silence is deafening but he can’t seem to speak.

 

* * *

 

How do you tell your fake boyfriend you have very real feelings for him?

Kyungsoo has never been one for letting his feelings be known, hence the _five letters he had originally stashed away from prying eyes_ , but this feels different. These aren’t feelings he wants to write in a letter. These are feelings where he can’t decide if he wants to keep them locked inside his mind forever, or shout from a rooftop for everyone to hear.

He _likes_ Chanyeol and not the _like_ he used to feel when they were younger, when he wrote the letter. This is different.

New.

 _Chanyeol_ seems different too, though Kyungsoo isn’t sure if that’s his own mind playing tricks on him. The other day Chanyeol had reached across the table to just hold his hand. He was scrolling through his phone in other, and hadn’t even looked up to acknowledge it.

Kyungsoo, shocked, had looked around the room to see if Jongin was present, if Chanyeol had held his hand just like he did when Jongin was around them all those weeks ago.

“Is he here?” Kyungsoo had asked when he couldn’t initially spot him.

Chanyeol had looked up from his game on his phone, confused. “Is who here?”

“Jongin.”

“I don’t know,” he had replied. “You’ve made me lose my game now, Soo.” He pouted, and then went back to scrolling through his phone with his free hand.

Kyungsoo hadn’t let go.

 

Just as he’s contemplating whether to quit college, pack his belongings, and move to a desolate area of the country where nobody could reach him, his phone pings once.

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_4:45pm_ ** _  
_ _Hot tub party tonight. You down? I’ll pick you up at 10._

Kyungsoo laughs out loud at the text and forms his reply.

 **_Kyungsoo_ ** ****  
**_4:46pm_ ** _  
_ _No? Do you even know me? There’s no way am I going in a hot tub. Gross. Count me out._

A few minutes later he receives a picture message, which he opens and it’s a photo of Chanyeol sulking. His bottom lip juts out childishly as he looks through the screen at Kyungsoo with his puppy dog eyes.

 **_Kyungsoo_ ** ****  
**_4:49pm_ ** _  
_ _That won’t change my mind._

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_4:50pm_ ** _  
_ _Don’t make me come over there and throw rocks at your window until you come to the party, Kyungsoo. Please? With cherries on top? I am the best fake boyfriend. Return the favour._

Kyungsoo sighs, defeated.

 **_Kyungsoo_ ** ****  
**_4:51pm_ ** _  
_ _Fine. But I refuse to get into the hot tub._

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_4:52pm_ ** _  
_ _*kissing emoji*_

 

As it turns out, the party is at Jongin’s house which Chanyeol had purposefully opted _not_ to mention. Whether this was for his own benefit or not, Kyungsoo doesn’t ask.

Mostly because he dreads the answer.

Chanyeol arrives at his house, precisely at 10 pm. He waits outside and _texts_ Kyungsoo he’s there so he doesn’t knock on the door and disturb Kyungsoo’s parents.

As Kyungsoo steps out of his house, he hesitates, taking in Chanyeol’s appearance. He’s dressed in a black and white striped tee with a fitted black leather jacket hugging his shoulders. The black jeans accentuate just how _long_ his legs are and for some reason he’s wearing leather-brown shoes with a slight heel to make him even _taller_. His hair is slicked back, out of his face, his forehead on show.

Kyungsoo is a million percent sure he’s never seen anyone look _this_ good.

Chanyeol opens the passenger door for Kyungsoo and he climbs inside the all too familiar cabin. Chanyeol gives him a small smile, turns on the engine, and drives before Kyungsoo can change his mind and bail out. Which in all honesty, after seeing Chanyeol, he’s _this_ close to doing.

 

When they open the front door to the large house and walk into the overcrowded, loud, and brightly lit hallway, Chanyeol dips his hand into the back pocket of Kyungsoo’s jeans and guides him subtly through the maze of people, to the living room where the party goers are more spaced out.

The music is blaring, some kind of booming EDM he’s never heard of but Chanyeol seems to know. There are some people fully dressed, others in swimming shorts or bikinis, and Kyungsoo cannot fathom for the _life_ of him why people are even _considering_ going in a hot tub when it’s chilly outside. The chatter of the party-goers is loud, there’s red solo cups covering the table and even parts of the floor, and it makes Kyungsoo anxious. He doesn’t _like_ parties, especially not ones where there are scantily clad college students walking around like it's nobody’s business. He’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans and he feels overdressed and it’s _weird_.

He’s acutely aware that Chanyeol’s hand is still resting in his back pocket despite them both walking to a more open space, and Jongin is nowhere to be found so he’s not entirely sure why Chanyeol is being this intimate. In fact, Kyungsoo doesn’t really recognise _anyone_ at this party and he honestly just wants to go home.

Just as they stop in the middle of the room, Chanyeol uses his hand nestled in Kyungsoo’s pocket to spin him around so they’re now facing each other and his hands come to rest on either side of Kyungsoo’s waist. Kyungsoo lets out a shocked noise and Chanyeol smirks, the edges of his mouth lift slightly at Kyungsoo’s reaction as if he’s _satisfied._

Kyungsoo wants to hit him.

Chanyeol uses his hold on Kyungsoo to pull him flush against his body and he leans forward to whisper in Kyungsoo’s ear.

“Drink?” His hands don’t move from Kyungsoo’s waist, but instead his thumbs are rubbing soft circles through Kyungsoo’s t-shirt, and Kyungsoo feels faint.

 _He’s just doing this to put on a show for the others_ , Kyungsoo thinks as he avoids Chanyeol’s gaze. _You agreed to all of this. It’s all fake. Calm down._

Kyungsoo wants to nod. He needs a drink to calm his nerves, yet at the same time he doesn’t want to be left alone. He’s just about to lift his head up and tell Chanyeol he’ll go with him when there’s a tap on his left shoulder and he turns around and …

… _Jongdae?_

“Long time, no see, friend!” Jongdae shouts as he pulls Kyungsoo away from Chanyeol and into a hug, his arms wrapping strongly around Kyungsoo. It takes a second before he reaches up and hugs Jongdae back because ... _what the hell is he doing here_?

“I bet you didn’t think you’d be seeing me quite so soon!” Jongdae says once he’s let go. “It’s so great to see you!” He greets Chanyeol over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo hears Chanyeol mention something about getting drinks and leaving them to catch up.

“What are you doing here?” Kyungsoo asks once Chanyeol is gone, then immediately goes to apologise as his tone sounds rather _blunt_ from shock but Jongdae doesn’t seem notice.

“I’m back to visit my family for a bit, Baekhyun mentioned there was a party so here I am! I actually have something for you. He said you’d be here so I thought I’d bring this along.”

He reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a folded letter, _his_ letter, and hands it to Kyungsoo.

“I’m so sorry,” Kyungsoo says, reaching out to take it from Jongdae’s hands. “This wasn’t meant to get out. I wrote it years ago.”

“It’s no bother, Kyungsoo, honestly. I figured as much. When my parents handed me the letter I recognised your writing because I swear _no one_ has writing as neat as yours. It’s nice to get a love letter, even if it was from years ago. Why did you send it anyway? It was a little out of the blue.”

Kyungsoo puts the letter in his pocket. “I didn’t,” he replies. “There were five in total, and all of them disappeared from my room, and ended up in the hands of the recipients. I have no idea how they were sent.”

Jongdae looks shocked. “That’s so strange!” he belts out, and puts his arm around Kyungsoo’s shoulders. “But hey, I hope something good has come out of it!”

Jongdae hasn’t changed in the slightest.

He’s still just as loud, just as positive, and just as bright as Kyungsoo remembers. Talking to Jongdae _now_ makes Kyungsoo feel a little starstruck. He’s somewhat famous around their local town, after having been featured in some small commercials for television and musicals around the country.

Kyungsoo is just about to ask Jongdae how his career is going when Chanyeol appears at the side of them, and he hands Kyungsoo a red solo cup with some sort of unidentifiable but strong smelling alcohol filling the cup about halfway. He leans down and kisses Kyungsoo on the cheek once, before saying hello to Jongdae. Kyungsoo takes a sip of his drink which tastes both bitter and sweet. It tastes a little strange, but he drinks it anyway, mostly for something to do as Chanyeol and Jongdae catch up. Chanyeol is the designated driver, and by the looks of things he’s being true to his word and is sticking to soft drinks this evening, so he might as well make the most of it.

A few minutes later, Kyungsoo’s cup is empty and he thinks about getting another.

Anything to get him through tonight.

 

For Kyungsoo, it’s extremely awkward standing in the middle of the room as everyone bustles about, dances, or pushes past him. So, when one of the sofas becomes free he makes a dash to sit down, and silently thanks the lord that Chanyeol and Jongdae notice what he’s doing and decide to move with him.

The sofa is comfy, and combined with the slight buzz of the alcohol and the warmth in his veins, he feels sleepy all of the sudden. He has half a mind to lean his head back and take a nap, but the house is too loud and he focuses his mind on how _big_ this house is.

It’s common knowledge Jongin lives with Moonkyu and Wonsik. The house they’re in is actually _Wonsik’s_ house, an investment and a high school graduation present from his parents which, in Kyungsoo’s eyes, is absolutely _ridiculous._ But, he supposes, having two rich parents who are CEOs of their own companies gets you this kind of stuff. Kyungsoo is only a _little_ jealous. He can’t fault the guy though, from the few interactions Kyungsoo has had with Wonsik, he’s been outgoing and charming, and Kyungsoo doesn’t have a bad word to say about him.

Someone changes the music on the laptop and the melody coming through the huge speakers changes from EDM to something less-bass heavy and more pop. It’s a cheesy top 40 song that has everyone (except him) up and dancing around with each other. Some of the party goers have moved outside to the hot tub area, and Kyungsoo notices that there are huge six foot heaters heaters that line the deck where the hot tub is placed, making it look pretty warm. Not that he has any plans whatsoever to go out there.

The sofa is too comfy for him to move, thank you very much.

He finds it pretty adorable that Chanyeol stays seated next to him for the first part of the evening, regardless of how many people that come up to him and ask him to join them in multiple activities around the house. After an hour, Chanyeol begins bouncing his knee up and down and Kyungsoo can _tell_ he’s been sitting down for too long. He’s fidgety and Kyungsoo can’t handle it anymore.

“Chanyeol, please go and talk to other people, you don’t have to be stuck here with me all evening.”

Chanyeol sighs. “I asked you to come here, I’ll stay with you.”

Kyungsoo points to the open double doors leading to the outside area. “Go. Go and talk to other people. I don’t want you here anymore.”

Chanyeol laughs once and leans forward to butt his head gently against Kyungsoo’s. “You’re cute. I know you don’t mean that, really. You’re adorable, Kyungsoo. I like you.”

He knows Chanyeol is only saying that in passing. He knows Chanyeol is only saying that as a friend, but it still sends his stupid heart soaring. He pushes at Chanyeol to get up, who eventually does but promises Kyungsoo he’ll be back soon.

And then Kyungsoo is left alone.

In an entire room of people, he’s left alone.

He watches Chanyeol as he mingles with the crowd, fist bumping and hugging everyone he sees. Because that’s _Chanyeol_. That’s always been Chanyeol. Someone so outgoing and friendly that everyone _loves_ him.

Back when they were younger, when people were scared of Kyungsoo because of his astigmatism and his refusal to wear glasses, Chanyeol was the only one to actually come up to him and ask to be his friend. And for a while, they were kind of inseparable. Chanyeol had introduced him to his friends and had promised them all that no, Kyungsoo wasn’t scary, he was just stubborn and actually very nice.

As they grew up, Chanyeol became louder and more outgoing, and Kyungsoo didn’t.

 

Jongdae joins him on the sofa a little while later, half-baked and drunk. He doesn’t talk for a while, just looks up at the pattern on the ceiling, counting each swirl. Every few minutes, he loses track and furrows his brow as he has to start again. Kyungsoo watches, incredibly amused.

Jongdae eventually gives up and moves to focus his _very short_ attention span on Kyungsoo, as if just remembering he’s there. “Is Chanyeol your boyfriend?” he asks slowly, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Probably to keep his balance and to stop the room from spinning. His eyes look red and puffy from being so stoned but he’s sporting his signature _Jongdae Grin_ so Kyungsoo isn’t worried.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo replies without hesitation before realising his own answer. He can’t exactly take that back now, can he? Idiot Kyungsoo. Lying is probably for the best anyway, even though he’s not entirely sure where the line _is_ anymore.

It’s become so blurred.

Jongdae giggles. “That’s nice. He’s nice, Kyungsoo. He likes you a lot. He didn’t stop talking to me about you for like five minutes a while ago. He’s like a Kyungsoo encyclopaedia. An A to Z of all things Do Kyungsoo. Pre-order books A to M now and get books N to Z free!”

The room has filtered down to just a few people now, the music is quieter as pretty much everyone is outside. The exterior heaters are switched on to full to combat the cold and they’re illuminating the room in a deep orange glow.

Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae, who keeps spouting gibberish about everyone he’s spoken to. It’s gotten late and the _one_ drink he had when they’d first arrived is wearing off. No longer does he feel slightly fuzzy, just wary of people around him and Kyungsoo wishes he could climb into bed. However, he’s not at home and Jongdae is still talking cheerfully beside him. It’s oddly comforting so he turns his attention back despite how cross-faded Jongdae is.

“So, you really don’t have any feelings for me anymore?” Jongdae asks, batting his eyelashes at Kyungsoo, who simply laughs in return.

“Sorry,” he says.

Jongdae whines before grinning again. “Ah, it’s okay. It’s awesome you guys acted on your feelings though. It’s not good keeping all that shit bottled up. Look at me, single Kim Jongdae, travelling the country without a care in the world.”

Jongdae sighs. “Do you know how _bad_ I had it for Baekhyun back in the day? Still do, to be honest. I don’t think those kinds of feelings ever disappear, y’know? Yeah, you get your odd crushes but those feelings that feel like a _punch_ to the stomach every time you see them stick with you. It’s good you sorted it out, Kyungsoo. You and Chanyeol seem happy together.”

Kyungsoo murmurs a thank you to Jongdae, who shrugs and goes back to leaning on Kyungsoo’s shoulder for support. Nothing else is said between them and Kyungsoo is pretty sure Jongdae’s fallen asleep so he doesn’t move in fear of waking him up.

The clock ticks and with each passing second, Kyungsoo is more and more ready to go home. But Chanyeol is his ride home and he doesn’t want push him to leave, so he stays put with a sleeping former crush on his shoulder, listening to the chatter of those around him.

It seems the alcohol in the kitchen is thinning, resulting in people saying their goodbyes. A lot of them are still only half-dressed and they exit the house to either go home or party somewhere else. There’s still no sign of Jongin, and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s even at his own party.

Baekhyun shows up a little while later through the back doors, completely sober due to having to work a shift at the local grocery store he has a part time job at. “I’m taxi for the night,” he explains as he stands in front of Kyungsoo. “People will pay hella money to get home safely with someone they know rather than some strange dude via an app. You can call this my side business, if you will.”

Kyungsoo is about to call him a deviant for playing on people’s vulnerability when drunk, but Baekhyun holds up his hand and points to the double doors leading to the outside. “Chanyeol is looking for you, by the way. He’s the only one in the hot tub and I think he’s lonely. A complete idiot for being out there if you ask me, but go out and appease him will you? He was literally _whining_ a second ago. Clearly I’m not enough anymore,” he sniffs and holds both hands to his heart. “You’ve replaced me, Kyungsoo. I shall never forgive you.”

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but subtly makes sure Baekhyun is smiling to confirm he’s not _actually_ being serious. He moves to get up but Jongdae is still sleeping, so he looks up at Baekhyun.

“Please sit here with him. I’m worried he’ll stop breathing or something,” he says, moving slightly to lift Jongdae’s head off his shoulder. Baekhyun moans he’s losing money by the minute but sits down in Kyungsoo’s space without a second thought. Kyungsoo leaves them alone, making a mental note at how Baekhyun is looking at Jongdae like he’s the only one in the room.

 _Those two really need to sort their shit out_ , he thinks, then marvels at how hypocritical he is.

The air is crisp and cold as he walks outside for the first time since they entered the party, but the breeze on his face is quickly replaced by the warm heat of the outside lamps. The hot tub is big, octagonal in shape, and the water is bubbling as the tub makes a loud humming noise.

Chanyeol is there, arms stretched out wide, leaning on the side of the hot tub. As soon as he notices Kyungsoo, he grins so widely it goes straight to Kyungsoo’s heart.

“Are you marvelling at how good I look in water?” Chanyeol asks smugly.

“Don’t be disgusting,” Kyungsoo retorts, but in all honesty he kind of _is_.

The muscles in Chanyeol’s shoulders are pulled taut from the way he’s positioned, arms out on the side of the hot tub. His chest is smooth, toned, and glistening from a combination of the droplets and the moonlight reflecting on the water’s surface. He looks a little _ethereal_ , and just like Jongdae had described, it feels like a hard _punch_ to his stomach.

“I missed you,” Chanyeol says.

“I was only inside, we were apart for a couple of hours.”

Chanyeol shrugs, the water rippling around him as he moves slightly to sit more comfortably. “I know. But still.”

He can’t take this anymore. His fight or flight instincts kick in and as much as he’d rather do the latter, he stays firmly rooted to the spot.

 _Fuck it_.

He takes off his jacket first, then his t-shirt, then his jeans, then his shoes and socks. Soon he’s just in his boxers and he takes those last few steps over to the hot tub and climbs over the hot tub’s ledge to get into the water. It’s _warm_ , the bubbles make his skin feel tingly as he wades over to an amusingly surprised looking Chanyeol, who strangely has made no comment at all.

Kyungsoo thinks that this newfound confidence could be from the drink, but then he remembers that his one and only drink was _three_ hours ago.

This isn’t liquid courage, this is _all him_.

He’s close to Chanyeol now, _so close_ that he can hear and feel Chanyeol’s breath on his skin. He reaches out a hand to lay on Chanyeol’s bare chest, can feel his heart racing, matching his own as he takes a deep breath and looks directly at Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is staring straight back at him, mouth slightly open as if the words he’s trying to say are stuck in his throat. He doesn’t look away, instead looks into Kyungsoo’s eyes, and then down to his lips.

“Are you over Jongin?” Kyungsoo asks.

Chanyeol nods as he brings up a wet hand to rest over Kyungsoo’s own on his chest.

“Was everything you said to Minseok true?”

Chanyeol nods again.

Kyungsoo inhales slowly to compose himself. His heart is beating a mile a minute from being _this_ close to Chanyeol, mixed with the pure terror running through his veins.

“So, you still like me? After all this time?”

Chanyeol nods almost _immediately_ , and that’s all the confirmation Kyungsoo needs.

He leans forward and closes the distance between them, catches Chanyeol’s bottom lip with his own as he kisses him with such intensity that his mind goes blank and all he can think of is _Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol_.

He feels Chanyeol’s hands rest on his hips as he hoists Kyungsoo up so he’s straddling Chanyeol’s lap, bringing them even closer. Kyungsoo lets his tongue glide over Chanyeol’s lips and Chanyeol _moans_ , deep and low and pushes closer, harder as Kyungsoo moves his hands to pull through Chanyeol’s hair.

He doesn’t want to let go.

Doesn’t want this moment to _ever stop_.

 _This is it_ , he thinks, as Chanyeol moves to kiss his neck.

 _This is real_.

 

They both walk inside the almost-empty house a while later, with towels Chanyeol had stolen from the downstairs bathroom wrapped around their shoulders. Kyungsoo feels warm in all manner of senses. _Happy_. He just wants to kiss Chanyeol over and over and realises he _can_ now.

Because Chanyeol is his, and he’s Chanyeol’s, and this is really happening.

They stop just short of Baekhyun and a very tired looking Jongdae whispering in hushed tones on the sofa where Kyungsoo had left them before. Jongdae is smiling and Baekhyun is shaking his head fondly at whatever Jongdae is saying. Kyungsoo looks up at Chanyeol to see if he’s seeing this but Chanyeol is looking at _him_. Kyungsoo smiles, and he leans up to kiss Chanyeol softly on the lips because he can _do_ that now.

 _It’s_ _real_.

“I’m gonna go and grab our clothes, okay?” Chanyeol says once Kyungsoo is sitting on the sofa next to Baekhyun. “Stay warm, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He leans down to kiss Kyungsoo on the head once and departs, leaving Kyungsoo alone with Baekhyun and a still rather drunk Jongdae. The two watch as Jongdae’s eyes slide closed again, head lolling back on the sofa, tongue out like an exhausted puppy.

Baekhyun sighs. “Do you ever just look at someone and imagine your entire life with them? Like you’d follow them all around the Earth just to be in the same vicinity as them because your feelings are so intense you’d literally do anything for them?”

Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun, who is still staring at Jongdae. He continues. “And even if you don’t see them for a while, those feelings are still there, deep down but they’re there? They don’t go away. You still imagine your life with them in ten, twenty, thirty years and,” he pauses, eyes flickering over to Kyungsoo, “I’m talking nonsense, aren’t I?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer. He just pulls the white fluffy towel around his shoulders closer and leans back into the sofa, where Baekhyun joins him a second later. They both listen to Jongdae’s soft snores, partly for something to do and partly to make sure he doesn’t choke on his own spit.

It’s rather weird to see Baekhyun this solemn. But he understands him, he understands him completely. Those feelings _so intense_ that nothing else matters? He has those. It’s scary, but he doesn’t tell Baekhyun this because he knows Baekhyun most likely feels that too.

“He likes you too, you know,” he says eventually, not looking at Baekhyun, but rather at Jongdae. “He told me earlier. He likes you.”

Baekhyun exhales and moves Jongdae so he’s resting his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I know,” he whispers. “I just wish he hadn’t moved to the other side of the country. It’s stupid, but if he’d asked me back then, I would have gone with him.”

“How did you guys meet?” Kyungsoo asks quietly. Baekhyun smiles fondly and chuckles a little.

“Funny story actually,” he begins, shuffling slightly to get more comfortable when Jongdae moves to cuddle him. “We both attended vocal competitions with our schools. There was a rivalry at first. I’m sure you’re aware our schools weren’t exactly the best of friends when it came to competitions, but we saw past that and became good friends. He asked for my number one night outside of the auditorium. I’d won so I thought it was strange he asked, because I’d _beat_ him at the thing we were both best at but we’ve been … we’ve been _this_ ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “I thought we’d be something but then he got his big break, and moved away.”

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything else and Kyungsoo doesn’t press him to. Instead, they both watch Jongdae for a minute longer. They watch how comfortable he is resting on Baekhyun’s shoulder, cuddling his arm as if it’s something normal he does every single day.

“He’d say yes, you know,” Kyungsoo tells him eventually, his voice low, sure, and steady.

Baekhyun looks at him. “What?” he asks.

Kyungsoo clarifies, “If you asked to go with him. He’d say yes.”

Baekhyun laughs. “This isn’t a fairytale, Kyungsoo. Things change. I can’t follow him around the world, I have things tying me here. I can’t give any of that up now. Back then, sure, but now? It isn’t the right time. Shit happens, I guess.”

Kyungsoo has never heard Baekhyun sound like _this_ before.

Defeated.

Sad.

_It’s frightening._

He stands up to go and look for Chanyeol, but he turns back to Baekhyun before he leaves.

“Things will work out,” he says. “Just tell him, but maybe wait until he’s sober first.”

Baekhyun laughs, his facial features relaxing which eases Kyungsoo’s worry. “Thanks Kyungsoo,” he says. “Chanyeol is a lucky guy to have someone as good as you.”

 

He looks _everywhere_ for Chanyeol. Outside, in the kitchen, in the downstairs bathroom, in the _upstairs_ bathroom. Back downstairs into the living room, the dining room, _back outside_ , and then upstairs in a few of the bedrooms. He thinks Chanyeol has _left_ him and went home, but just as Kyungsoo is about to head back downstairs and give up on his search, he notices a door right at the end of the hallway slightly ajar. He walks up to it, puts his ear against the tiny opening and hears Chanyeol talking.

It's muffled, like there’s another wall or something between him and Chanyeol. He opens the door slightly to ask Chanyeol when they’re going home because he’s _cold_ and he wants his clothes back.

For the first time that evening, Kyungsoo sees Jongin.

He’s with Chanyeol on the balcony at the other end of the room.

The big glass doors leading outside to the large terrace are slightly open but the room is still _freezing,_ it almost sends a shiver down Kyungsoo’s spine, but he’s rooted firmly to the spot.

He can’t move.

Chanyeol is now fully clothed in the outfit he’d arrived in. His jacket is zipped right up to his neck and Kyungsoo moves his eyes away from the two, spotting his _own_ clothes neatly folded the end of the large king-sized bed. He doesn’t remember Chanyeol walking through the living room so he figures he must have walked around to the front of the house, inside, and then upstairs with Jongin to avoid Kyungsoo.

 _Why,_ though? What were they _doing_?

Jongin laughs at something Chanyeol says. He throws his head back as he giggles and then he’s leaning in closer to Chanyeol. His hand rests on Chanyeol’s arm as he closes the distance and …

Kyungsoo turns around and leaves before he sees anything else he doesn’t want to see. He walks slowly down the stairs, through the empty hallway, past the kitchen where a few people are drinking the last drops of alcohol, and back into the living room where only Baekhyun and Jongdae remain.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun asks, noting something in Kyungsoo’s expression. “Where’s Chanyeol?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t answer, he just walks over and picks up his phone from where he’d left it next to Baekhyun in what seems like eons ago.

He scrolls through his contacts until he reaches the one he’s after and hits dial.

“ _Kyungsoo?_ ” Sehun’s voice over the phone is like a blessing to Kyungsoo’s ears as he exhales in relief. “ _Are you alright? It’s like three in the morning, Kyungsoo. What are you doing?”_

“Can you come and pick me up? I’m at Wonsik’s,” Kyungsoo replies, ignoring Baekhyun’s repeated words of concern.

“ _Sure, text me the address. I’ll be there as soon as I can._ ”

The click signalling the end of the call comes, but Kyungsoo still holds the phone to his ear for a few seconds longer. When Baekhyun asks him if he’s okay once again, Kyungsoo simply nods, tells him he’s going home, and he should take Jongdae back home too.

Kyungsoo, wearing nothing but his half-dry boxers and the large fluffy towel, leaves the house through the front door and waits outside on the lawn for Sehun to pull up.

Sehun pulls up a few minutes later, looking _exhausted_ and Kyungsoo feels immensely guilty. His hair is all over the place and he’s wearing his glasses rather than his usual contacts, still dressed the old oversized white t-shirt and baggy shorts he wears to bed.

“I’m really sorry,” is all Kyungsoo can muster as he gets into the passenger seat. The heat from the car’s vents are comforting against Kyungsoo’s cold face as he burrows further into the seat and closes his eyes to let the heat wash over him.

“Are you alright?” Sehun asks. “Why are you in just a towel? Whose towel even is it? You better give it back to them if it’s not yours. Oh my god, don’t get my seats wet, Kyungsoo! They’re a nightmare to clean. Do you want me to take you home? Back to mine? You need to talk, Kyungsoo. Are you drunk? You’re _shivering_. What the fuck?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head. “Home please,” he replies simply.

“Where’s Chanyeol?” Sehun asks.

Kyungsoo winces at his name. “Please, just take me home,” he repeats tiredly, not even bothering to open his eyes to look at Sehun’s anxious expression.

Sehun doesn’t press him further. Instead, he reaches over to grab the seat belt from Kyungsoo’s side, pulls it over him, and clips it into the buckle. He puts his jeep into gear and drives off into the night.

 

* * *

 

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_4:35am_ **  
_Kyungsoo are you okay? Baekhyun told me you’d left. Who did you go home with?_

 

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_5:05am_ **  
_Kyungsoo? Are you even alive? Please at least text me back so I know you’re okay_  
  
**_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_5:15am_ **  
_*3 missed calls from Park Chanyeol*_

 

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_12:56pm_ **  
_I had to phone Sehun to make sure that you’re fucking alive, Kyungsoo, please text me back. He refuses to tell me anything else. I’m worried about you_

 

 **_Chanyeol_ ** ****  
**_3:02pm_ **  
_Kyungsoo, please_

  
  



	5. Chanyeol

_Dear Chanyeol,_

_Your ears are too big for your head. And you have big, bug eyes. And you never shut up._

_You’re always talking about something and I can never keep up. Whether it’s about your ferrets or your homework, the weird looking worm you found in your garden the other day, or the television program we watched together but you still feel the need to explain to me anyway._

_You’re annoying._

_But I like it. I like you._

_I’ve never done this before. Written a letter, I mean. But I’ve never really felt this way either. This overwhelming urge to be around you all the time regardless of how irritating you can be. Being around you makes me so happy, you give off this vibe that I’m sure others feel too._

_I’ve never really liked anyone the way I like you._

_It’s slowly consuming me, becoming overwhelming, hitting that point today where I can’t take it anymore. Today, when those kids called me weird and you stood in front of me and defended me. Today, when you walked me home and asked me if I was okay. Today, when you hugged me goodbye and called me your best friend. I didn’t want that hug to end._

_Because I like you._

_I like how annoying you are. I like your big ears and big bug eyes, they’re endearing and suit you. I like how you never shut up, how you always want to talk about every little detail of your day. How you always know when I’m drifting off during television shows so you explain them to me afterwards. You know me more than anyone, Chanyeol. I’m not an easy person to talk to and you made it your mission to become my friend._

_We’re best friends, Chanyeol. I can’t feel like this when you’re my best friend, because I’m sure you’re like this with everyone else. Kind, generous, and funny. You make people feel special._

_So, this is what this letter is._

_My confession._

_Hopefully, by writing this all down, I’ll come to terms with my feelings and I’ll keep seeing you as my best friend instead of wishing for something more. That feeling, the one that has been lingering, running through my veins, tingling whenever you’re near. It feels disgustingly cliché to write all of these movie-romance lines down, about how whenever I close my eyes all I can see is you. But it’s true, and I hate it. This isn’t me. I don’t get like this._

_Not that you’ll ever read this. I’m sure to you I am still the weird kid who scowls at people. Who, for some reason, you find hilarious even when I’m not._

_Don’t ever change, Chanyeol._

_You’re the prettiest boy I’ve ever seen, even with your Yoda ears and strange bug eyes._

_And you are perfect just the way you are._

_(Although, I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I say this to your face. Your ego is inflated enough.)_

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo_

* * *

 

Kyungsoo has never really felt _jealous_ before. Not like this, anyway.

It’s a weird feeling. Wanting something that someone else has. He’s envious and he’s angry that he’s envious, therefore making him _upset_ at how angry at himself he is. His emotions are all over the place, he can’t stop thinking about _that night_ for a multitude of reasons and … he doesn’t know what to do.

He hasn’t spoken to Chanyeol since the party. He’s not entirely sure he wants to. He’s worried that he’ll say something he’ll regret. He can sometimes get a little hot-headed in the heat of the moment and he _knows_ deep in his heart Chanyeol doesn’t deserve this but at the same time he can’t help but think … _I thought we were something_?

He should have said no. He should have outright said _no_ to Chanyeol when he asked to become fake boyfriends, then none of this would have happened. He wouldn’t have _caught feelings_ , he wouldn’t have gotten in the way of whatever Chanyeol and Jongin still have, he wouldn’t have been a weird rebound. It had been so out of character to say yes to Chanyeol’s request but … he’s never really ever been able to say _no_ to Chanyeol.

And now he’s confused. He misses Chanyeol, but doesn’t want to talk to him. All he can see when he closes his eyes is Jongin leaning in and …  

Sehun comforts him like the incredible best friend he is. He tells Kyungsoo that Chanyeol messages him every single day asking how Kyungsoo is. Chanyeol knows that after a flurry of unanswered text messages and calls, Kyungsoo doesn’t want to speak to him right now, so he keeps his distance.

Kyungsoo _hates_ how considerate Chanyeol is being even though he has no idea _why_ Kyungsoo doesn’t want to talk to him. He _hates_ that, even though jealous, he’s not _really_ mad. He just wants to be. He wants to be angry at Chanyeol. He wants to tell him that he’s messed him around and hurt his feelings. He wants throw the kiss and his words right back in Chanyeol’s face and tell him that he doesn’t ever want to see him again.

But he knows that’s stupidly overdramatic. He knows he’d never actually want that in a million years.

Because even though Chanyeol clearly still isn’t over Jongin … Kyungsoo clearly isn’t over Chanyeol. He’s terrified, because he’s never felt this level of romantic attraction before and he doesn’t know what to _do_.

So, he ignores Chanyeol.

And his own feelings.

He ignores everything to do with that night and goes about his merry way at college. He attends lectures, eats his lunch in the library, and even takes a few extra shifts so he’s not lonely in the evenings.

Chanyeol stops calling.

Chanyeol stops messaging Sehun.

Chanyeol … stops.

And Kyungsoo misses him terribly.

A week has passed since the hot tub party and Kyungsoo is just finishing his shift at the college library when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He doesn’t usually answer unknown numbers. They’re mostly scams or robots asking if he’s had an accident at work, but it’s the local area code so he cautiously answers it.

“Hello?” he says into the receiver, shuffling the phone between his chin and his shoulder as he hugs his coat closer to shelter his body from the cold.

_“Hello? This is Kyungsoo, right?”_

He stops dead in his tracks. The old lady walking just behind him tuts at him as she walks around to pass him, but Kyungsoo doesn’t move.

“Uh, yeah,” he replies. He recognises the voice immediately. That deep lull, like singing, the soft dulcet tones that wins over the hearts of many. “Jongin, how did you get my number?”

“ _I swiped it from Chanyeol’s phone when he wasn’t looking … that boy hasn’t changed his passcode since we met can you believe? Pretty sure he has the same case, too …_ ”

There’s that disgusting feeling again. _Jealousy_. He’s _jealous_ that Jongin gets to freely hang around with Chanyeol. He’s jealous that Chanyeol will never feel for him the way he ever felt … or rather _still feels_ for Jongin. He’s bitter, but weirdly not at Jongin, but at _himself_. Jongin is just so _nice_ and likeable that he can’t feel any sort of resentment against him. He completely understands why someone would choose Jongin over him. It’s just common sense.

“ _Can we talk? Are you near school?”_

Jongin’s voice sounds quiet and hesitant, like he’s afraid to ask Kyungsoo this question, like he’s _scared_ of Kyungsoo. He doesn’t say anything else. He just waits for Kyungsoo’s answer, polite and patient, as always.

It’s cold. It’s so cold that it hurts Kyungsoo’s fingers to hold the phone, and he wants to go home and curl up in his bed with a hot chocolate and the latest series he’s watching on _Netflix_.

It’s so cold that he’s pretty sure the nerves in his brain have frozen completely, because he finds himself saying _yes, okay_ , and they arrange to meet in thirty minutes inside the coffee shop just off campus.

The warm air of the shop hits him like a ton of bricks as he enters. It’s evening, so there are a few students lingering around the shop finishing their assignments or drinking triple shot espressos to get them through an intense night of studying.

It’s quiet.

The typical coffee shop sounds of the coffee machine whirring, spoons clinking against mugs or the intense typing of keyboards are nothing new to Kyungsoo. In fact, it’s kind of calming.

He makes his way to the forest green armchairs in the corner of the room after realising that he’s arrived before Jongin. The waiter comes over and Kyungsoo orders himself a glass of tap water, careful not to intake any caffeine otherwise he absolutely _won’t_ sleep tonight.

Jongin enters about five minutes after, bundled up in a thick, black scarf and a dark green coat that stops just short of his knees. He ruffles his hair upon entering and looks around the shop for Kyungsoo. He smiles when he notices him and begins to make his way over to where Kyungsoo is sitting, waiting, nervous.

“Thank you for meeting me,” Jongin mutters without saying hello. He sits down opposite Kyungsoo and takes off his scarf, gently placing it on his knees as he rests his hands on top of it to warm them up. His eyes are somehow _sparkling_ underneath the dim light and his smile is so bright Kyungsoo thinks that perhaps he should have brought sunglasses.

“Don’t be scared,” Jongin says light heartedly, reading something in Kyungsoo’s expression he hadn’t meant to show.

“I’m not,” he mumbles back sheepishly. “I’m just wondering why you called.”

Jongin sighs and is about to speak but the waiter comes back with Kyungsoo’s order and takes Jongin’s, a peppermint tea and a chocolate chip muffin.

“I just want you to know that this isn’t his idea. He doesn’t even know I’m here. I’m pretty sure he’d kill me if he knew I was intervening, especially when he specifically told me not to.”

“Jongin, I-“ Kyungsoo begins, but Jongin holds up his hand and stops him from continuing.

“Please, just let me speak, Kyungsoo, if that’s okay?”

Kyungsoo nods. Jongin furrows his brow as if thinking over what he’s going to say. He leans back into the armchair to get comfortable and begins.

“About a year after Chanyeol and I started dating, his older sister Yoora got into a college halfway around the world. She left and Chanyeol was _absolutely miserable_. I’ve never seen him so down. He missed her so much that they’d Skype all the time, just so he could tell her about his day, or listen to hers.” Jongin chuckles at something, possibly a memory or a joke that he doesn’t say out loud, and that makes Kyungsoo even sadder.

“They’re close. Really close. Like, he shares stuff with her that he never even thought about sharing with me. Growing up, he had a lot of insecurities about his personality and his looks, and Yoora helped him with that. She helped him with his sexuality and assured him everything was going to be okay. She was his rock, Kyungsoo. Something that I tried to be, but couldn’t.

“He latches on, clings to people who show interest in him because that’s who he is. He’s so _eager_ to please and sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. But that’s Chanyeol. Outgoing, confident and very aware of himself. Like most of us he has secrets, insecurities and worries that he doesn’t share with anyone because he doesn’t want people to think he’s hurting.”

Kyungsoo wants to ask Jongin where exactly this is going but once again Jongin holds up his hand and stops him, pleads with him with his eyes to let him finish.

“He’s miserable without you, Kyungsoo. The only time I’ve ever seen him mope this much was when Yoora left. You know I checked with Baekhyun every single day after we broke up to make sure he was okay? I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be anymore because we’d grown out of loving each other. I’d fallen in love with Taemin, but I still care for him, a huge amount. How can you not?”

Kyungsoo chuckles at that, albeit a little bitterly because Jongin is spot on. He’s jealous, sad, and confused but every other thought is about Chanyeol and it’s _hell_.

The waiter comes by with Jongin’s peppermint tea and muffin, and Jongin accepts it graciously with both hands, bringing the cup to his face so he can inhale the minty fragrance of the steaming drink. He takes a small sip and hums in approval at the taste, shivering a little when the warmth hits the back of his throat.

“There’s nothing going on between me and Chanyeol, Kyungsoo. You have to believe that. He likes _you_. He won’t shut up about _you_. He’s pining for _you_. This isn’t me and Chanyeol anymore. It hasn’t been for a long time. You’re the only one he thinks about now. He won’t tell you this because he’s stubborn, but he also doesn’t want to pester you. He thinks that he’s being annoying and doesn’t want you hurt even more.”

Kyungsoo’s stomach sinks at the thought of Chanyeol being sad and he wants to _cry_. He takes a sip of his water and holds the glass in his hands for something to latch onto, focus his mind towards.

“The party,” Kyungsoo says eventually, “I saw you guys out on the balcony. You kissed.”

Jongin _laughs_.

Loud and bright.

The tea he’s holding shakes and spills over slightly, tiny droplets hitting the floor as he tries to steady the cup. “You saw that, huh? That makes sense now, Chanyeol mentioned something about your friend saying that Chanyeol is still in love with me and I couldn’t quite figure out _why_ you thought that.”

He places the cup of tea onto the table and unwraps the muffin from its case. “How much of that did you see? I assume by your expression, not much. It was windy as hell outside. We could barely hear anything we were saying to each other, but the night sky was pretty, you know? I was cold but watching the stars was worth it.

“I remembered he loves stars too, so I asked him if he wanted to watch them with me when I saw him outside in the garden alone. He had a bunch of clothes in his hands and I said he could use the dryer upstairs in the utility room to warm them up. I asked him to come out onto the balcony because we could watch the stars better there and … I don’t know I guess I got caught up in the beauty of it all and I told him I missed him.”

Kyungsoo’s heart stops and before he can even _think_ , Jongin giggles. He frowns subconsciously, and Jongin giggles more.

“He was so polite, bless him. He told me that he was with you now and you _only_. He didn’t want to get back together with me because that part of his life was over. I almost didn’t have the heart to tell him that I meant _as a friend_. The look on his face was adorable when I admitted it and he realised. Then he proceeded to talk about you for the next twenty minutes. It was really cute.”

There’s a million thoughts running through Kyungsoo’s head, the main one being _he probably just said that to keep up the façade,_ but he can’t bear to think of Chanyeol that lowly. The tiny sliver of hope in his heart burns a little brighter as Jongin smiles warmly, and takes another sip of his peppermint tea before speaking once more.

“The way he speaks about you, Kyungsoo. I swear I sometimes see little cartoon hearts in his eyes when he speaks about you. He speaks so fondly about how he loved you as a kid and he feels like this is his second chance … about your heart shaped lips and how both of your hands fit into one of his … I kind of wish he’d spoken to people like that about _me_. Maybe he did, but no one ever told me. _You_ need to hear this, Kyungsoo. You need to understand that Chanyeol’s feelings aren’t _fake_ , he couldn’t ever fake something like this. It’s not who he is.”

There’s a million questions Kyungsoo wants to ask Jongin, but is too terrified to. _What else has he said? Do you believe this all real? Did you know that for most of this we were actually faking?_

But there’s one, lingering on the tip of his tongue, itching to be said.

“Do you miss being with him?”

Jongin doesn’t answer for a second, instead he places his cup of tea down onto the coaster and runs his finger along the rim, thinking over his answer.

“I thought I did,” he says eventually. “As I’m sure you’re aware, your feelings for Chanyeol _consume_ you, because of how much he gives and how much he cares. He’s something special. But we never had that connection. Not like I do with Taemin now, or like you do with Chanyeol. We weren’t right for each other, but you two are.”

Kyungsoo’s mind is going a million miles a minute but there’s one thing that stands out most in his brain: he _trusts_ Jongin. He knows Jongin is one of the most lovely and kind-hearted people he’s ever met, and that he’d never lie about something like this.

Jongin is telling the truth. Kyungsoo believes him.

Which means Chanyeol really _does_ like him.

He feels a little faint.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says eventually. “I think I’ve fucked everything up.”

Jongin laughs once. “Kyungsoo, if you really think that then you’re more naïve than I thought. He’s _pining_ for you. Just … I don’t know, just text him or something. Let him know you’re okay. He’s kept his distance to appease you, don’t you think that perhaps you should do something in return?”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond. Instead, he just fiddles with the left sleeve of his sweater.

Jongin huffs. “I have to get going, Taemin is waiting for me. Just think about what I said, okay, Kyungsoo? At least put him out of his misery if you don’t want anything to go further.”

Jongin gets up, squeezes Kyungsoo’s shoulder, picks up his half eaten muffin, and leaves.

Kyungsoo sits alone at the table for a while, pulling at the now-frayed ends of his sleeve as he thinks.

And thinks.

And thinks some more.

A waiter comes over to ask if he’d like a refill of his drink and Kyungsoo politely declines.

The sun begins to set and Kyungsoo sighs, pulls his jacket on and takes out his phone. He scrolls down to _C_ in his list of contacts, finds Chanyeol’s name, contemplates phoning or texting him but stops. He wants to _see_ him, not talk to him over the phone. He wants to grovel and tell Chanyeol he’s sorry over and over again, pepper his face with soft, loving kisses until Chanyeol is a giggling mess beneath his lips and they live happily ever after.

He places his phone back in his pocket, and decides to go to Chanyeol’s apartment tomorrow. Tonight, he needs a good night sleep and to run over his apology in his head.

 

It’s not unusual for Kyungsoo to turn the corner to his house and see Sehun’s car in the driveway. Sehun has a tendency to invite himself round without even bothering to text, or knock on the door, and Kyungsoo’s parents have accepted it as the norm. They even go as far as treat him like a son, so Sehun thinks this is _okay_ behaviour.

He steps through his front door and spots Sehun’s shoes and jacket. He unravels himself from his winter wear and climbs the stairs in search of his best friend. He mumbles a hello to his parents as he passes the living room.

When he opens the door to his bedroom, he finds Sehun fully under his covers taking a nap. Again, not an unusual sight to see, but definitely an _annoying_ one. Kyungsoo grabs the nearest book from his bookshelf – a heavy English dictionary that he’s looked through maybe three times in his entire life – and throws it at Sehun. He’s careful not to hit him on the head, but his throw is accurate enough that it catches Sehun on the side.

Sehun startles awake. He rubs his eyes, a scowl forming on his face, and looks around the room before settling on Kyungsoo. “Why did you wake me up?” Sehun whines.

“This is _my_ room!” Kyungsoo retorts, moving across the room to retrieve the dictionary and place it on the floor so he can flop down next to Sehun.

“You look sad,” Sehun notes, reaching out to poke at Kyungsoo’s cheek.

Kyungsoo bats his hand away.

“I am sad,” he says, then sighs. “I met with Jongin and he explained everything. Basically I fucked up.”

“You sure did. I could have told you that without the need to meet Jongin,” Sehun responds, sitting up in Kyungsoo’s bed.

Kyungsoo hits him on the shoulder. “You’re meant to be supportive, you dick.”

“I’m giving you my brutally honest opinion like a proper best friend. _You’re_ the dick. I’m sure it’ll work out though, right? You guys were basically attached to the hip and now Jongin’s told you what you needed to hear. Fixing it is simple, just say you’re sorry to Chanyeol and move on.”

It’s not simple.

It’s _far_ from simple.

This whole thing has been an absolute mess from the beginning and Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to do. Has Chanyeol really liked him all this time? Was he really that oblivious? They grew up and grew apart, but somehow found each other again in the absolute _weirdest_ and _fakest_ situation. Kyungsoo wishes this had gone differently, that he and Chanyeol had reconnected a different way, fallen for each other again differently.

“It’s not that easy, Sehun,” he mumbles almost incoherently, not looking at his best friend.

“Why? You like each other, right?”

Kyungsoo sighs. He might as well come clean. Not that it matters now, anyway.

“It’s not that easy because it never _was_ easy.” He inhales, defeated. “We faked it. Pretty much the entire time, we faked it. He wanted to show Jongin he was over him and I wanted to show Junmyeon I was over him and … it was all fake.” He hesitates, takes deep breath and closes his eyes. “Until it wasn’t.”

Sehun is silent for a few seconds, as if contemplating the bombshell Kyungsoo has dropped on him, thinking over his words. “Until you fell for him.”

“Yeah.”

“Kyungsoo, the relationship may have been fake but the feelings weren’t. This isn’t like your feelings for Junmyeon. These are reciprocated. He likes you back.”

Kyungsoo _knows_ that now. He’s just angry at himself for not realising sooner. He’s angry that it took Jongin literally seeking him out for him to realise just how much he likes Chanyeol and just how much Chanyeol likes him back.

“I need to fix this,” Kyungsoo says.

Sehun nods. “But maybe not this evening. You’re tired, emotional, and you tend to snap when you’re like this. Have a good night’s sleep. Visit him tomorrow. Come here.”

Sehun opens up his arms and Kyungsoo leans back into him, appreciating the warmth of his best friend as they lie back onto Kyungsoo’s bed. It’s quiet. Kyungsoo can hear nothing but Sehun’s soft breathing in his ear and the distant rumble of cars outside his window and he _hates_ it. He hates that he’s left with nothing but his thoughts.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Sehun,” Kyungsoo whispers, breaking the silence and letting out his feelings. “I’m sorry that I didn’t come to you sooner.”

Sehun uses his arm wrapped around Kyungsoo to hug him tighter, kisses his temple and snuggles closer. “It’s okay, Kyungsoo. I understand. I just don’t like seeing you sad, that’s all.”

One minute passes, then two, then three.

“In fact,” Sehun pipes up. “I have something I need to get off my chest, if we’re sharing secrets.”

Kyungsoo’s heart stops. “What,” he deadpans.

Sehun unravels himself from Kyungsoo and sits up, looking a little sheepish. He rubs against the back of his neck and doesn’t look Kyungsoo directly in the eye. Instead, he throws the covers off from his body and gets out of bed, moving to stand further away from Kyungsoo. He slowly holds up his hands defensively and Kyungsoo half expects him to say he’s murdered a man or two.

“Don’t get mad. Or hurt me. You were so _lonely,_ Kyungsoo. If it wasn’t for me you would have been holed up in this room all day, only to leave to go to classes and the library. It was _sad._ God, Kyungsoo, I love you to death but sometimes you’re so _sad_. When I saw that ratty old box …”

Kyungsoo stops breathing, the blood in his veins turns to ice, and he feels cold. “You didn’t,” he interrupts.

Sehun nods slowly. “And I don’t regret it.”

Kyungsoo makes a loud noise of utter frustration, startling Sehun. “Do you know how _weird_ my life has been these past few months? How messed up everything has been? None of this would have happened between me and Chanyeol. None of this would have happened between me and _Junmyeon_. Those letters were mine _,_ Sehun, for my eyes only and you sent them?”

“For good reason!” He moves to sit down next to Kyungsoo.

“I was tired of seeing you isolate yourself. I figured that maybe those letters would get you talking to more people. _Maybe_ you’d get a few dates here and there. It worked, didn’t it? You reconnected with Chanyeol! You went out more. You were smiling and laughing. You were so happy. Your eyes would light up whenever you talked about it him. It was kind of disgusting, but I thought everything was okay. Well, up until this week, at least.”

Kyungsoo can’t even bring himself to be that mad at Sehun, because he can understand why Sehun sent the letters. He _was_ lonely but refused to admit it to himself. He has to admit that these past few months with Chanyeol have been weird, wonderful, and _fun_.

“I’m mad at you,” Kyungsoo mumbles, outright lying.

Sehun barks out a laugh and butts his head gently against Kyungsoo’s. “When aren’t you?” he says back. “What are you gonna do?”

Kyungsoo sighs and falls back. He screws his eyes shut, hard, hoping that’ll help him focus better. Help him to figure out how he’s going to apologise to Chanyeol.

“I don’t know,” he eventually responds. “I don’t think this is something I can really rehearse. I’ll guess I’ll just say I like him and I hope he likes me more than Jongin. That I hope he forgives me because fuck _,_ Sehun, I really like him.”

It feels weird to Kyungsoo, saying something so emotional out loud. He wrote those letters so he didn’t have to reveal his feelings. He’s embarrassed easily and he’s shy. These things don’t come naturally to him. He wrote those letters purposefully in order to get out his feelings and then lock them away again.

“Ew, you’re not going to cry in front of him are you? Not cool, Kyungsoo. If you do though, make sure he films that shit, I want to see.” He pauses, squinting at Kyungsoo. “Wait, you’re not going to cry in front of me are you? I’m leaving.”

Kyungsoo opens his eyes and grabs Sehun’s arm. “You’re not going anywhere, Oh Sehun. You got me into this mess and you’re going to help me out of it.”

Sehun groans loudly, but lies down with Kyungsoo. “Valid,” he responds, shuffling a little to get comfortable.

“Is there another reason you’re here? Or was it just to drop the bombshell on me that you’re the one who caused all of this?”

Sehun turns his head to look at Kyungsoo. “I may have felt a little bad. You’ve never been this upset before, so maybe I decided to come clean and help you through this. Best friend, Oh Sehun, to the rescue.”

Kyungsoo laughs. “Well, thank you for _kind of_ being a good friend. Even though this is literally all your fault.”

“That’s what best friends are for!” Sehun beams. “I do have a question though. Why were they addressed? Like it wasn’t exactly hard for me to send them. Although, you do owe me for the stamps I used …”

Kyungsoo scoffs. “I don’t owe you shit.” He huffs out a breath and sits up on his bed, crossing his legs under him. “I think it was my way of saying goodbye,” he confesses, looking down at his hands, twisting them together to calm his mind. “You know how bad I am with this stuff. I think writing it, then addressing it felt like _completing_ the letter. It was a final goodbye to those feelings that I didn’t want.”

Sehun joins him in sitting up. “That’s fucking weird, Kyungsoo, I hope you know that. Hey, what if you write him another letter? Explaining everything.”

Kyungsoo laughs bitterly. “Those things got me into this shit, I don’t want to dig myself deeper. I’ll figure something out.”

Sehun shrugs. “Looks like I’m staying here tonight, then. I’ll help you think of a kick-ass speech. Can I stay? Your bed is comfier than mine, anyway.”

Kyungsoo sighs, but gives in. “Fine,” he says, knowing that even if he said no, Sehun would just pout until he caved. “Just don’t fall asleep.”

“I can’t promise anything, Kyungsoo. You did wake me up in the first place.”

 

* * *

 

Kyungsoo knocks three times and waits.

He realises how cliché this is. He knows how stupid he looks, standing outside Chanyeol’s door. He’s not confident that he won’t bolt as soon as Chanyeol opens the door, or even worse, stand there completely still, mind utterly blank until Chanyeol shuts the door in his face.

He thinks about the movie his mother made their family watch once, _Notting Hill_.

_I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her…_

He wants to _laugh_. What the hell is he doing? Sehun was right. Maybe he should have written a letter and hoped that Chanyeol understood it.

The security chain rattles. The door opens. Too late to turn back now.

“Some nerve you have coming here, Do Kyungsoo,” Baekhyun says. He looks Kyungsoo up and down dramatically. Kyungsoo thinks that maybe Baekhyun is trying to look _intimidating_ but it’s not working. “No man makes my Chanyeol cry and gets away with it that easily.”

He half expects Baekhyun to slam the door in his face. He even scrunches his eyes shut to brace for the harsh dull sound of wood against wood. Instead, there’s a warm breeze across his face from the heat inside the dorm room, and he opens his eyes to see Baekhyun standing aside to let him through.

Kyungsoo moves. One foot at a time. One thought at a time. One breath in. One breath out.

“You’ve got some explaining to do,” Baekhyun says. His tone isn’t angry or condescending, and Kyungsoo breathes a sigh of relief at that. He doesn’t know how much more he can take. He just wants to sort this. End this once and for all.

Baekhyun grabs his shoes from behind him, shouts a goodbye into the apartment, then leaves.

Chanyeol, who had been humming along to some tune in his headphones, takes them off when he hears the _slam_ of the door. He nearly falls out of his chair when he looks up to see Kyungsoo rather than his roommate.

“Uh, hi,” Kyungsoo says, lamely bringing up a hand to wave at Chanyeol, who doesn’t wave back. Instead, he slowly places his headphones onto his desk and gets up from his chair.

He’s wearing an all too familiar oversized black hoodie and grey denim shorts and Kyungsoo wants to _cry_ at how soft he looks. He just wants to hug him and apologise but he knows that he doesn’t deserve to. He doesn’t deserve to touch Chanyeol like that after everything he’s done.

He kind of wishes he’d written some kind of script. Something he could have looked over and memorise, act out, and become an entirely new person without thinking to get him through this. Something he can do so _easily._

But this is real life. This isn’t acting. And Chanyeol is standing about six feet in front of him, emotions so _raw_ and Kyungsoo can see it in his face. He can see the confusion in his eyes, the sadness in the droop of his lips, the awkwardness from the little nose twitch when the silence is too much. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to make him suffer any longer.

“This isn’t me,” Kyungsoo begins, deciding to completely ignore the rough apology he had created with Sehun night before. “I don’t let out my feelings. I bottle them up and let them consume me. I write them in letters and store them in the back of my closet. This isn’t _me_. I fall easy, I pick myself back up and I move on. But with you,” Kyungsoo hesitates before continuing, “I fell again. I fell hard, because you’re so sweet and considerate and it reminded me of why I fell for you in the first place.”

His eyes sting.

He’s _not going to_ cry.

“I’m sorry for not realising everything sooner. I’m sorry for thinking you were still in love with Jongin. I’m sorry for acting like such a _child_ that I messed this up. Ignoring you was wrong and when Jongin told me what happened I …”

Chanyeol holds up a hand to stop him. “You saw Jongin?” he asks, quietly. It’s the first time Kyungsoo has heard Chanyeol speak in a week and he’s missed him a lot. The low thrum of his voice that ignites something inside Kyungsoo, makes Kyungsoo want to close his eyes and listen to his voice on loop. He’s missed Chanyeol. He’s missed that voice and he doesn’t want to _not_ hear it ever again.

Despite wanting to, he doesn’t say that.

Instead, Kyungsoo simply nods. “It was his idea. We met up and he explained everything. Chanyeol, you have to understand ... I was all over the place. I’d just _kissed_ you. I initiated it, something so out of the ordinary for me. Then I went looking for you and thought you’d kissed him right after me. I was so confused, and hurt, and angry. But not at you, at _me_. I didn’t know what to think, so I just left.”

Chanyeol nods. “You do know that nothing happened, right? Nothing happened between us. I was drying our clothes and looking at the stars with a friend, nothing more.”

“I know that now,” Kyungsoo mutters, “I was confused at the time. I figured I’d upset you more if you saw how angry I was at myself. I thought you’d mistake it for anger towards you.”

Chanyeol doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t move, or speak and it’s terrifying to Kyungsoo. Someone so loud and vibrant as Chanyeol shouldn’t be so quiet and vulnerable because of _him_.

“I just came to say that I’m sorry. One day, I hope you’ll forgive me because you deserve _so much,_ Chanyeol. We can end this now. The fake relationship. I’ll tell Junmyeon, you can tell Jongin, if you want, and it’ll all be over. No more lies, no more misunderstandings.”

For some stupid reason, Kyungsoo expects Chanyeol to smile, embrace him and tell him that he wants to start a _real_ relationship with him. They’d kiss in the middle of the apartment and confess _properly_ to each other, in the comfort of each other’s arms. They’d cuddle up on the sofa and begin their relationship the _right_ way.

But, this isn’t a romantic movie. This is real life.

Chanyeol goes to speak, but the words get stuck in his throat and he makes a soft whimper as if he’s frustrated. He doesn’t move, he stays rooted to his spot, and his brow furrows as he thinks.

And thinks some more.

“Kyungsoo, I …” he says eventually, then nothing else.

The embrace doesn’t happen. The kissing in the middle of Chanyeol’s apartment doesn’t happen. Chanyeol doesn’t lead him to their sofa to cuddle. Instead, Chanyeol is silent. The confusion evident in his eyes and he looks like a lost puppy.

Kyungsoo can’t bear to see Chanyeol like that, confused and hurt over something _he_ did. Kyungsoo’s ignored him for long enough for no reason, he gave no answers to the questions Chanyeol asked, he left him in the dark. He knows he doesn’t deserve what Chanyeol has to offer.

“I’m going to go,” Kyungsoo replies, his expression blank, voice monotone.

He turns around, opens the door and without looking back, he leaves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note to say thank you so much for your kind comments and the kudos!! one more chapter to go and we're done :) Thank you also for waiting and i do apologise for the long delay between the last chapter and this one ... both my beta and I have been very busy but the last chapter is already half done so should be up quicker!!  
> As always if you want to talk me please feel free to over on my twitter [@softpcy](http://twitter.com/softpcy) :)


	6. Kyungsoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry for the wait. i hope this is worth it.

There’s nothing.

No texts.

No calls.

Nothing.

For days.

It’s not as though Kyungsoo was expecting anything from Chanyeol, considering Kyungsoo left him. He feels a little silly, really. The sliver of hope blossoming in his heart whenever his phone buzzes is quickly followed by the drop of his stomach when he realises that perhaps Chanyeol isn’t going to contact him at all.

He also understands that the tables have turned. The ball is now firmly in Chanyeol’s court and Kyungsoo would feel like a _burden_ after everything he’s done if he contacted Chanyeol out of the blue. He wishes that perhaps Chanyeol would attempt to score a basket and _send Kyungsoo a damn text_ or something, just to let him know he’s alive.

But …

 _Nothing_.

Kyungsoo doesn’t really know what to feel other than a little heartbroken. To be fair, he knew everything wasn’t going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but he’s never _felt_ this way about someone before. His life is too quiet without Chanyeol. There’s no one texting him random memes found on the internet. There’s no one calling him at midnight when he can’t sleep and there’s no one … holding his hand.

He thinks of Chanyeol’s lips on his, how _right_ that felt and how he wishes he could turn back time and not see Chanyeol with Jongin.

He wishes he could turn back time to the very first day they agreed to this whole contract and say no, instead.

Either way, he feels lost.

 

* * *

 

Bundled up in his warm winter jacket, Kyungsoo turns the corner into his cul-de-sac. He’s spent the entire morning studying for his test at the library, eventually giving up when his head was pounding from the artificial light. It’s high noon outside, there’s not a cloud in sky and the winter sun is beating down onto the road so he has absolutely no excuse for not looking where he’s going.

However, as Kyungsoo begins to cross the old and weathered road toward his house, he ends up stepping in a rather large and deep puddle, soaking the bottom of his jeans completely. He groans out loud, curses to the sky and adjusts his large, plaid scarf to make the last few, hopefully puddle-free steps home to change. This day really can’t get any worse.

He’s about to cross his garden when he hears a door open. He inwardly sighs, he knows that sound anywhere. He’s really not in the mood to talk. All he wants is to get into the warmth of his home and cozy up underneath a thick, fluffy blanket.

“Kyungsoo!” a voice calls.

Kyungsoo sighs and looks up from his feet to see Junmyeon running rather cautiously down his garden. He stops short of the sidewalk where Kyungsoo currently stands, soaked and fed up. Junmyeon seems to notice his gloomy expression. He drops his usual cheery demeanor, eyebrows furrowing in concern as he opens his mouth to speak.

“Is everything okay, Soo?” Junmyeon asks, reaching out to rub his hand up and down Kyungsoo’s arm comfortingly. Kyungsoo thinks that a few months ago this would have made his heart soar, his pulse quicken and his cheeks flush.

Now, it only makes him feel a bit sad.

He nods half-heartedly because he really does _not_ need this right now. He makes a beeline for his own house without saying goodbye to Junmyeon, but Junmyeon’s hand grips onto his arm, making him stop mid-step.

“You look sad, Kyungsoo. I don’t like seeing you sad.”

There’s a chill in the air that makes them both shiver. Kyungsoo takes in the darkening clouds with a weary expression. Noticing this, Junmyeon nods his head toward his house as an unspoken invitation for Kyungsoo to come inside. For some reason, Kyungsoo follows.

He’s forgotten how much he loves the Kim Household.

As he steps inside he’s greeted by the familiar warm, wine red wallpaper that lines the hallway. He shakes the cold from his skin as he takes off his soaked shoes on instinct and rolls up his jeans so he doesn’t get the carpet wet. He can feel the fluffy dark grey rug under his feet as he walks through the living room and it sends a homely rush of energy through his veins. He flops onto the familiar sofa, making Junyemon chuckle cutely and roll his eyes at the scene.

“I’ve missed this,” Kyungsoo mumbles, before he really thinks about what he’s saying.

The sad look returns to Junmyeon’s face, Kyungsoo can see it in his eyes and can’t help but think that _he’s_ caused this. As suddenly as it came, the warm feeling is gone replaced by guilt. He attempts a lame smile to smooth that look, hoping that it will cheer Junmyeon up. Much to his surprise, Junmyeon’s facial expression softens and he sits down next to Kyungsoo, legs crossed fully on the sofa, waiting for him speak.

“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo says eventually.

He figures if he’s in the mood to hand out apologies this week, this one is the _most_ deserved of them all.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. Junmyeon looks like he’s about to speak up, but Kyungsoo cuts him off before he can say anything to contradict him. “I’m sorry for the letter. I’m sorry for avoiding you and I know I made everything worse. I can’t solve my problems by doing it. I’m awful when it comes to saying things out loud as I’ve learned this week. I thought if I ignored it then it would all go away.”

Junmyeon laughs, then reaches forward to hold Kyungsoo’s hand. “I figured you wanted a bit of space. If it helps, Kyungsoo, I know the letter was written years ago. It really doesn’t change anything. You are still, and will always be, a dear friend to me. I’ve missed you, that’s all. It’s been weird not having you walk in like you live here. My parents keep asking me how you are, I think they miss you as much as I do.” He offers Kyungsoo a gentle smile, “I’m worried about you. You’ve seemed down lately. Is it Chanyeol? Now will you tell me what’s bothering you?”

And Kyungsoo does.

He tells him about everything.

He starts from the very beginning and tells Junmyeon about writing the letters. He tells him about hiding them, about Sehun finding and sending them. He tells him about his contract with Chanyeol and how he _really_ feels about Chanyeol. He tells him about how everything has become so messed up and about how he left Chanyeol speechless before leaving.

Tears are threatening to spill down his flushed cheeks. He feels uncomfortably warm to the point of sheer embarrassment, but with a few deep breaths and a quick reassurance from Junmyeon, he calms. He regains his composure and finishes his story.

Because that’s what it is.

A story.

A ridiculous, over the top, you-can’t-make-this-shit-up story.

He thinks someone should write a movie on his life because the last few months have been so _bizarre_ that there’s no way this can happen to anyone else in the real world.

Junmyeon listens, takes in what Kyungsoo is saying, and nods along whenever Kyungsoo pauses. He encourages him to vent and carry on. When Kyungsoo finally finishes, he’s silent for a beat, as if thinking over the mountain of information Kyungsoo has dumped on, before he speaks.

“You really like him, don’t you?” Junmyeon asks softly, his eyes not leaving Kyungsoo, who simply nods in return.

“It’s so stupid,” Kyungsoo says, shaking his head in frustration. “We grew apart as we got older and I never thought I’d see him like _this_ again. Then all of this happened and now I’m in deeper than ever and it’s ...”

“Confusing?” Junmyeon finishes for him.

Kyungsoo nods. “Confusing,” he affirms.

Junmyeon manages a smile. “You do understand this is life, right? You fall for someone, you get your heart broken, and you move on. Not to sound like an old man but it’s all part of being young. We all get our hearts broken, Kyungsoo, it’s how it goes. I’m still a little broken from my breakup, so it’s not surprising that you’re feeling broken from yours.”

Kyungsoo shrugs at Junmyeon’s words. He supposes it’s what had happened with his own feelings for Junmyeon, so why does this feel so different with Chanyeol?

“I’m glad we’re talking again, Kyungsoo,” Junmyeon says after Kyungsoo is silent for a minute.

Kyungsoo looks up from his hands and directly at Junmyeon.

At his beautiful eyes, full cheeks, and knowing smile.

“Me too,” he replies, feeling nothing but loyal friendship for Junmyeon.

They sit in silence for a while, watching a dated history documentary on the television that Kyungsoo has absolutely no interest in. Mainly because he’s already seen it three times. But Junmyeon seems fully engrossed, spending the whole documentary recounting stories of his old university classes where he’d studied the subjects.

Kyungsoo smiles, nodding along, happy to be in such company. He’s happy that everything seems to be okay with Junmyeon once more. He feels content, having fixed this relationship.

One less thing to worry, a temporary break from the madness that is his life.

The television switches to a commercial for laundry detergent and Junmyeon turns back to Kyungsoo.

“There’s actually something I need to talk to you about,” he says quietly.

Kyungsoo’s heart drops, and worry seeps into his veins once again. He doesn’t really need another bombshell dropped on him. This week has been more than enough for his feelings to handle but Junmyeon begins before Kyungsoo can stop him.

“Remember how a couple of months ago I flew out to the city for the long weekend? Well, I actually had a job interview at the city’s national museum to be an art curator … and I found out a couple of weeks ago that they want me. I’ve landed my dream job, Kyungsoo.”

“Junmyeon, that’s great!” Kyungsoo exclaims.

He sits up and leans forward to hug Junmyeon in congratulations, ignoring the slight sadness that makes his fingers tingle as he eventually lets go.

Junmyeon looks like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He turns back to the television as the program starts back up again.

“I move in a month,” he says, softly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. You seemed to have a lot going on but I wanted to make sure you knew before I left without saying anything.”

“It’s okay,” Kyungsoo replies, shrugging his shoulders. “I know I haven’t been the greatest friend recently so …”

Junmyeon stops him with a scoff. “You’ve had shit going on, Kyungsoo. We all have shit. It’s fine. Your problems will work out eventually. You’re _Do Kyungsoo_ , nobody can stay away from you for that long. If Chanyeol doesn’t call then he’s not worth it. Believe me.”

Kyungsoo’s insecurities make that hard to believe but he nods anyway. He smiles at Junmyeon and asks him more about his new museum job; what he’ll be doing, if he has somewhere to live, how he’ll adapt to the big city life again. He’s happy for Junmyeon. He’ll miss him desperately and he promises Junmyeon that they’ll keep in contact regularly, but this is _right_ for Junmyeon.

He selfishly wishes something would go right for him, too.

 

* * *

 

He invites Sehun over a few days later because his parents are out and he’s bored.

And _lonely_.

And that’s something Kyungsoo won’t admit in a million years.

The house is stupidly quiet without anyone around. Once and awhile the old pipes will groan and his neighbour’s shed will slam shut from the wind, but he needs _company_.

“You’re moping,” Sehun says, a few hours into their _Star Wars_ marathon.

They’re cuddled up together under a big, fluffy blanket, balancing huge popcorn bowls on their laps.

Kyungsoo huffs. “I’m not moping,” he replies, shuffling awkwardly because he knows full well that he is. He stubbornly refuses to accept it out loud.

“You _are_ moping and it’s _ruining_ my _Star Wars_ experience.”

“You’ve seen these movies like a hundred times already.”

“And you’re ruining the 101st. Is this about Chanyeol? For once I agree with what Junmyeon told you. If he doesn’t call or talk to you then he’s not worth it. You were both stupid enough to agree to that contract, so you’re both to blame. You’ve said your piece and if he doesn’t want to say his then he’s _not worth it_.” He pauses to shove a handful of popcorn into his mouth, not even bothering to finish chewing before he speaks again. “Can’t you ask one of the other boys you wrote letters out for a drink or something? I’m sure one of them is into you. Yixing is hot. Ask him. You deserve to be happy, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo bursts into laughter and shakes his head. “I don’t like them like that anymore.”

Sehun sighs. “Just Chanyeol?”

Kyungsoo nods, albeit rather reluctantly. “Only Chanyeol.”

Sehun mock gags, reaches for the popcorn bowl and pretends to vomit. “That’s disgusting, Kyungsoo. Who knew you were such a romantic? Miss Disney Princess over there.”

Kyungsoo reaches for the nearest cushion and throws it at Sehun, narrowly missing the bowl resting on his lap.

“You’re my best friend.” Kyungsoo mock pouts, something he’s _definitely_ picked up from Chanyeol. “You’re meant to be sad with me.”

“I _am_ your best friend, so I’m meant to tell you to snap out of it and move on. You know I love you to death, Kyungsoo, it hurts to see you beat yourself up over a boy. Become an aromantic like me. Having a boyfriend is extremely overrated. My sexuality is Poe Dameron. I’m Oscar Isaac-sexual. Unobtainable and smoking hot, exactly my type.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t respond, not that he needs to. Sehun turns back to the television, once again fully-engrossed, and that’s the end of that conversation.

Maybe he’s right.

Before he can think about it any further, Sehun throws the cushion right back at him and tells him to concentrate on the movie.

He tries his best.

 

* * *

 

Nine thirty in the morning.

It’s _nine thirty_ in the morning on a Monday and the doorbell is _ringing_.

Kyungsoo immediately hates whoever is waking him from his slumber. He had planned to sleep all morning in preparation for his intense studying session later once Sehun left.

He falls out of bed and grabs the nearest article of clothing to shove on, which ends up being an old ratty t-shirt that’s seen better days and grey sweatpants that probably belong to Sehun, since they’re too long in the leg. Without even bothering to check to see if he’s somewhat presentable in his mirror, he shuffles downstairs to open the door and glare at the person who’s ruined his morning.

Except, when he opens the door and realises who’s on the other side, his mind goes blank and he forgets how to think.

“Chanyeol?” he says out loud.

Chanyeol is standing awkwardly on his doorstep, foot tapping against the stone pathway from nervousness. He’s wearing his signature oversized black hoodie that makes him looks way smaller than he actually is. His hood is up, hiding his ears from the cold and he’s looking down at the ground, clearly nervous. The small dimple in his cheek is visible and Kyungsoo thinks that this is the most vulnerable he’s ever seen Chanyeol.

It hurts his heart.

Upon hearing the door open, Chanyeol looks up so quickly that Kyungsoo hopes he didn’t get _whiplash_. Chanyeol stands up straight, expression unreadable.

“Kyungsoo,” he says, and Kyungsoo shivers slightly at Chanyeol’s voice. The deep inflections reverberate throughout his entire body as Chanyeol speaks his name. “I have something for you.”

He reaches into the black satchel slung over his shoulder and pulls out two items: a small, neatly wrapped package and what looks to be an envelope resting on top.

Is Chanyeol giving him back his letter?

He doesn’t _want_ it back.

He wants Chanyeol to keep it.

It’s rightfully his.

It’s something he should have given Chanyeol all those years ago when he first wrote it.

Even if whatever was between them is over for good, however short it was, he doesn’t want Chanyeol to forget him.

Kyungsoo steps forward tentatively and takes the white envelope first, inspecting it carefully. He fully expects to see his own declaration of love staring right back at him once he opens it.

Except ...

That’s definitely not his writing. His own name is scrawled in dark blue ink across the front. Messy, barely legible, and unequivocally Chanyeol’s.

 _For, Do Kyungsoo_ , it reads.

“Open it then,” Chanyeol says, impatience lacing his tone.

Kyungsoo looks up from the envelope to Chanyeol, who is smiling gently. He’s buzzing with what Kyungsoo can only assume is excitement and it’s rather terrifying. Kyungsoo back down at the envelope he’s holding so delicately with both hands.

“Chanyeol, I…”

Chanyeol stops him. “Just read it, Kyungsoo. _Please_.”

Kyungsoo obliges and carefully opens the letter. He unfolds the piece of paper, confused and curious. Something is scribbled across the page in the same dark blue ink, complete with the same messy scrawl as on front of the envelope.

It’s a _letter_.

Addressed to _him_.

Kyungsoo’s hands begin to shake as he reads.

 

_Dear Kyungsoo,_

_I fell for you, when I fell._  

_Quite literally._

_When we were children and you helped me clean up my knee after I tripped over in your garden, I remember thinking “wow, I want to look at this face forever.” When you smiled up at me and told me everything was going to be okay, I should have told you._

  _I fell for you harder four years later, when I invited everyone over for scary movies and popcorn because I wanted to seem cool to everyone else. You let me hold your hand in secret, because I was downright terrified but I didn’t want to seem like a wimp to our other friends. Why on earth were we watching scary movies at thirteen? My parents thought we were watching Back to the Future. I was an idiot._

_I should have told you then._

_I fell for you the hardest, for what I hope is the final time, eight years after that, when I asked you to be my fake boyfriend. I was able to learn about you all over again. I learnt about your weird quirks and your funny sense of humour, even though 90% of the time you don’t even_ realise _you’re being funny. I saw learnt that you frown when you’re concentrating, that you bite your bottom lip when you’re nervous, and that roll your eyes when I make you laugh._

_I really should have told you then._

_I should have told you when you were standing in my apartment, putting your heart on the line._

_And I’m truly sorry that I didn’t._  

_So, I’m telling you now._

_Writing a letter seems appropriate, don’t you think? It all started with a letter, perhaps it should end with one. It’s cliche and stupidly poetic, but I feel like our entire story has been a little cliche. It seems fitting._

_I was your first love, Do Kyungsoo, and I sincerely hope to be your last._

_There’s truly nothing more cliche than that._

_From,_

_Park Chanyeol_

 

Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t know _what_ to say.

His hands are shaking around the letter and he’s worried that if he opens his mouth, _he’ll cry_.

So, Chanyeol speaks.

“I feel like this was the only solution, right? Giving you a letter. I’m sorry for being so distant. I needed time to write this letter which is an awful excuse but …” Chanyeol grins sheepishly at him. “It’s pretty funny. I’m usually so vocal about my feelings but when it comes to writing them down I’m hopeless … I guess that’s where we differ? I figured I had upset you when I didn’t immediately say something after you showed up at my place. There was a lot to process and …” He trails off and a faint blush graces his cheeks. “Kyungsoo, you leave me a little speechless every time I see you. So, I’m sorry for being late.” He nods his head towards the letter. “But I really hope that makes up for it.”

Kyungsoo wants to speak. He wants to tell Chanyeol _it does_ and that he’s _sorry_ , but before he can open his mouth, Chanyeol starts talking again.

“There’s always been something about you, Kyungsoo. We grew apart and I missed you, but I don’t regret asking you to be my fake boyfriend. If I hadn’t, then we wouldn’t be _here._ I wouldn’t be here in front of you, asking you to be mine for real.

“I don’t have to keep my distance anymore. I want to try this for real, Kyungsoo. No fake dating, no ex-boyfriends, no confusion. For real. A clean slate, just you and me. Being boyfriends. For real. Real boyfriends. Being real. I’m rambling. Please say something. Stop me. Kiss me or something if you agree. God, _please_ kiss me, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo barks out a laugh and takes a step forward to shut Chanyeol up. As his left hand clutches onto the letter, his right gently pulls Chanyeol closer to him, lips curving into a smile as he meets Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol giggles against Kyungsoo’s lips and kisses him back with equal fervour, right there in Kyungsoo’s front garden, where everything began.

It’s not a perfect kiss.

He’s still clutching the letter in his hand, cause it to be trapped between their bodies, and the hard edge of the gift Chanyeol is holding is digging into his back. Yet, Kyungsoo thinks that in its own way, it’s kind of beautiful.

The cold bite of the air is nonexistent as Kyungsoo molds himself against Chanyeol. The softness and warmth of his hoodie feels incredible against Kyungsoo’s skin as he steps closer to Chanyeol, not wanting to let him go. When his brain decides to work again, he makes a mental note to steal this hoodie from Chanyeol because - aside from Chanyeol - it’s definitely the softest thing he’s ever held.

“Is that a yes?” Chanyeol asks once they break away for some air.

Chanyeol’s dark hair is messy, strands are sticking up everywhere like he’s just woken up from a deep sleep. His cheeks are flushed red, his lips are slightly swollen, and he looks a little dazed. Kyungsoo thinks it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen and he can’t wait to see it more. Chanyeol feels the same way about him and everything is going to be _okay_.

“You forgot your gift.” Chanyeol reaches out to hand the neatly wrapped package to Kyungsoo. The wrapping paper is light blue with white polka dots and Kyungsoo opens it gently, not wanting to rip the paper.

It’s their contract.

The tatty piece of paper is framed in a sleek black frame that looks _expensive_. The very tatty piece of paper that started all of this. He hadn’t realised Chanyeol had _kept_ the piece of paper.

Kyungsoo looks at the paper, running his eyes over his writing, feeling an incredible sense of familiarity. He pauses, eyes narrowing on the new additions. Kyungsoo’s heart feels like it’s running a marathon (or _ten_ ) as he begins to read.

 

  * _Chanyeol is allowed to hold hands with Kyungsoo in public, but hugging and kissing are ~~ONLY if NEEDED~~ when Chanyeol is feeling extra needy and wants attention from his Kyungsoo._


  * _Kyungsoo will take one selfie a week with Chanyeol and post it on his Instagram._


  * _Chanyeol will not act like an over-confident idiot around Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo knows he’s better than that._


  * _Kyungsoo will not be too sarcastic around Chanyeol, as sometimes Chanyeol doesn’t sense it’s sarcasm and genuinely thinks he’s upset Kyungsoo._


  * _Kyungsoo and Chanyeol will make sure to tell each other their feelings at all times, whether they’re good, bad, or just plain stupid._ ** _Because this is real_** _._  



 

Kyungsoo laughs again, then shivers from the cold breeze as he remembers that he’s only wearing a damn _thin shirt_. Chanyeol reads his mind and reaches out to wrap him in his arms, shielding him from the wind as they sway dramatically on the spot.

“I agree to these terms,” Kyungsoo mumbles into Chanyeol’s chest and Chanyeol lets him go, much to his displeasure.

“Then you have to seal the deal.”

“I don’t have a pen, Chanyeol. I can go inside to get one but you’ll have to let me go.”

Chanyeol smiles mischievously and brings up his hand, pointing to his own lips as he begins to pout.

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, fighting back a smile.

“You are something else,” he mutters.

Chanyeol grins in response and grabs Kyungsoo by the waist, gently pulling him close and leans down to kiss him again.

“It’s cute that you have to stand on your tiptoes to kiss me,” Chanyeol whispers against Kyungsoo’s lips.

Kyungsoo hits him with the contract he’s still clutching in his hand, before softly kissing Chanyeol once more. He reluctantly moves back and is about to invite Chanyeol inside when Chanyeol beats him to it.

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Chanyeol asks, looking a little dejected when Kyungsoo moves out of his reach.

His heart flutters in his chest and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get over this.

Kyungsoo steps to the side to allow Chanyeol into the house. After toeing off his shoes, Chanyeol starts to go upstairs to his bedroom, stopping only when Kyungsoo gently pulls him back.

“Sehun is up there,” he says quietly, watching as Chanyeol retreats slowly down the first few stairs.

“Actually, Sehun is right _here_.”

Sehun stands at the top of the landing, looking immaculate even though he’s _just_ rolled out of bed. Kyungsoo resents him for it.

“Your hair is a disaster, Kyungsoo. Please fix it.”

“I think it looks cute,” Chanyeol chimes in.

He retreats in on himself immediately under Sehun’s glare as Sehun begins to walk down the stairs rather menacingly. Kyungsoo finds it a bit funny, but holds back his laughter for the sake of Chanyeol’s dignity. Before he can come to his rescue, however, Sehun speaks again.

“ _Chanyeol_ doesn’t have any rights after making my Kyungsoo upset.” He’s now at the bottom of the stairs and he turns to face Chanyeol, who looks a little startled. “Do you know how much he _moped_ after you? It completely ruined our _Star Wars_ marathon. _Ruined_ it. You’re on my shit list, Park Chanyeol. Right at the top. _And it’s a long list_. Not only do you have to make it up to Kyungsoo, but you have to make it up to _me_ , too.”

Chanyeol looks scared.

No, he looks downright _terrified_ of Sehun and it’s both hilarious and cute.

“We could finish watching the movies together?” Kyungsoo interjects when Chanyeol looks speechless.

“Are you two going to be all lovey-dovey and disgusting?” Sehun asks, a look of disdain quickly spreading across his face.

Chanyeol shakes his head immediately. “Not when there’s _Star Wars_ involved. Oscar Isaac is too attractive to be distracted from that easily.”

Sehun hums approvingly, and turns to Kyungsoo. “I like this one. Keep him.”

“I plan to,” he responds, pushing Chanyeol into the living room to set up the movie. “For good this time.”

 

* * *

 

  **Six Months Later**

 

* * *

 

_Dear Junmyeon,_

_I hope all is well in the big city!_

_How is your job going? I spoke to your parents the other day when they came over for dinner and they said you’re settling in well, but I’d like to hear it from you._

_I haven’t got your new number or email … and letters seem to be my thing so …_

_Chanyeol says hi._

_He’s sitting next to me now as I write this because I caught a cold last week and he’s refused to leave my side ever since. His chicken soup may even be better than yours, although I’m pretty biased at this point. When you come back to visit you can come by and have a soup-off. I’ll be the judge of course._

_He wanted to write this letter for me but his handwriting is awful._

_Now he’s whining because I’ve written that._

_And then asked if you’ll give us a tour around the museum if we come out and visit you._

_You know what? I’ll give him your address and he can write his own damn letter to you._

_We both passed our exams which was a relief. Sehun helped us study after I threatened that if he didn’t I wouldn’t let him sleep in my bed. You’d think now that Chanyeol is here quite a bit, he’d stop coming over to sleep in my bed, but nope. Somehow he’s convinced us to let him sleep there, even when both Chanyeol and I are in there._

_Chanyeol is absolutely fine with Sehun sharing with us as long as Sehun doesn’t steal all the covers._

_It was a squeeze when it was only me and Sehun, but now it’s impossible. Sometimes, I think it’s time to invest in a bigger bed._

_I can’t believe this is my life._

_Keep in touch, we all miss you,_

_From,_

_Do Kyungsoo (and Park Chanyeol)_

 

 

_Dear Kyungsoo,_

_It was really nice to receive this letter! Thank you, it reminded me of old times!_

_(I’m kidding, please don’t hate me)_

_Everything is going well. The job is incredible and I’ve loved every second of it. The food here is fantastic too. I’ve been to two Michelin 3-Star restaurants since I’ve moved here, and both times I’ve thought “I have to bring Kyungsoo here when he visits.”_

_The city is scary and overwhelming compared to home, but I love it all the same. You should definitely come out and visit. Bring Chanyeol, of course, and tell him that I will happily show you around!_

_I hope you’re feeling better by the time this reaches you. I’m glad Chanyeol has been pampering you, it’s what you deserve. Just make sure to give him the same treatment if he gets sick, relationships are all about compromise!_

_Speaking of relationships … promise you won’t tell my parents this because I’ll never hear the end of it, but I’ve met someone! Her name is Kim Soobin and she’s an impressionist artist. Some of her work is on show in the art gallery next to the museum. I’d love to show you some of it when you’re out here, maybe you can meet her too! She’s heard all about you and she’d love to meet you. You both have similar interests; food, old movies, and cute men. I’m sure you’ll get along great._

_It’s nice to hear you’re happy, Kyungsoo. I knew things would work out for you. I’m glad we’re both doing well._

_Don’t be a stranger, okay? I’ll add my number and email at the bottom of this letter but honestly? I think I like the letters more. Not enough people send letters nowadays. So, please, keep sending them._

_Enjoy your summer, Kyungsoo. Say hi to Sehun for me, he was always my favourite friend of yours (excluding me, of course)_

_From,_

_Kim Junmyeon_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,
> 
> And there we have it!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this, whether it be waiting for the updates or all at once now this fic has officially finished.
> 
> As always thank you to my beautiful beta Bree, without her this fic would have been filled with britishisms that no one would understand.
> 
> If you want to talk about all things chansoo with me, my twitter is [@softpcy](https://twitter.com/softpcy), or if you want to support me then my kofi is [yeoliverse](https://ko-fi.com/yeoliverse).
> 
> Now, onto my next venture. Once I figure out what that is.
> 
> From,  
> Yeoliverse


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